Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Fiction: She's So Analog
"You know, there have been lots of great advances in technology over the past decade."
I say this to a friend as I watch her computer boot up for the first time. I have been eyeballing this p.o.s. in the corner of her apartment for a week now and have been dreading having to actually deal with it on a daily basis. But my excuses have run dry and she has cornered me this morning; she wants Microsoft Office and will wait no longer. White characters float up a black background as the hard drive chugs, clucking like an angry chicken. We sit silently for another minute watching the thing try to come to life. I sigh.
"You mean like CD's," she replies.
My eyes flash to the front of her tower in a panic and seeing only a floppy drive there, I laugh out loud in spite of myself. I put the DVD's and flash drives I'd brought over back in my bag and throw it aside. Perhaps we can download Open Office.
"Yes, CD-Rom drives were a real breakthrough. In 1996."
She points to the dusty floppy drive on the front of her tower reverently and asks "Can't we use this?" Squinting at the offending drive, I realize there is a disc inside of it and that's what's been preventing Windows from loading. I eject the disc and ask her if there's anymore wine left in the fridge. I continue talking in her direction as she leaves for the kitchen.
"Hon, if you were a caveman who was visiting us from the past, you still wouldn't use it."
She re-enters the room and hands me a cold, half-filled bottle of white wine from the night before and a wine glass. I pop the cork but discard the glass.
"Then why do they even have them," she asks defiantly.
"The Amish love them," I deadpan, "because it reminds them why they hate us."
Windows 98 Second Edition finally starts to comes up. I start to voice my fear that Open Office won't even run on this but instead take a swig from the wine bottle. By now, my friend is back beside me and eyes the Win 98 splash screen. "Is that okay to have?"
I tell her "Not really," before taking another sip of wine. A long sip. She continues looking at me wanting more of an explanation.
"Remember that caveman?"
She groans, now tired of all this, and pleads for my help in creating a Word doc. I show her the Google Docs web site.
"So how do we fix all this," she finally asks, making one last stand as I finish off the wine.
"Use your iPhone."
I say this to a friend as I watch her computer boot up for the first time. I have been eyeballing this p.o.s. in the corner of her apartment for a week now and have been dreading having to actually deal with it on a daily basis. But my excuses have run dry and she has cornered me this morning; she wants Microsoft Office and will wait no longer. White characters float up a black background as the hard drive chugs, clucking like an angry chicken. We sit silently for another minute watching the thing try to come to life. I sigh.
"You mean like CD's," she replies.
My eyes flash to the front of her tower in a panic and seeing only a floppy drive there, I laugh out loud in spite of myself. I put the DVD's and flash drives I'd brought over back in my bag and throw it aside. Perhaps we can download Open Office.
"Yes, CD-Rom drives were a real breakthrough. In 1996."
She points to the dusty floppy drive on the front of her tower reverently and asks "Can't we use this?" Squinting at the offending drive, I realize there is a disc inside of it and that's what's been preventing Windows from loading. I eject the disc and ask her if there's anymore wine left in the fridge. I continue talking in her direction as she leaves for the kitchen.
"Hon, if you were a caveman who was visiting us from the past, you still wouldn't use it."
She re-enters the room and hands me a cold, half-filled bottle of white wine from the night before and a wine glass. I pop the cork but discard the glass.
"Then why do they even have them," she asks defiantly.
"The Amish love them," I deadpan, "because it reminds them why they hate us."
Windows 98 Second Edition finally starts to comes up. I start to voice my fear that Open Office won't even run on this but instead take a swig from the wine bottle. By now, my friend is back beside me and eyes the Win 98 splash screen. "Is that okay to have?"
I tell her "Not really," before taking another sip of wine. A long sip. She continues looking at me wanting more of an explanation.
"Remember that caveman?"
She groans, now tired of all this, and pleads for my help in creating a Word doc. I show her the Google Docs web site.
"So how do we fix all this," she finally asks, making one last stand as I finish off the wine.
"Use your iPhone."
Observation: Basterds Is The New Bill
Oh, Quentin. Using that ‘Cat People’ song in your new film makes me fall in love with you all over again. I forgive you for ‘Death Proof’ and want you back.
Observation: Does This Site Make Me Look Pathetic?
Binge Tweeting followed by the shame of oversharing...
Non-Fiction: Web Two-Point-Oh No
Bringing Social Back: Putting the Social Back into Social Networking (and failing miserably)
A Vampire Wars clan grab has resulted in an influx of new Facebook friends and I once again wade into the wilds of social interactions and practice my questionable social skills on actual people. My success so far has been questionable. Most of the time, a comment from me will either stop the conversation dead or cause a period of silent confusion followed by the group politely pretending I am simply not there. So far I've been fortunate and have avoided actual confrontations and outright malice but let's face it: I'm someone people enjoy removing from their network with great haste and passion and I have the constantly declining friend count to prove it.
To better understand where I could improve my people skills, I occasionally take a long view of my posts here as a whole and try to interpret this material objectively as if seen through the eyes of a complete stranger. A frightening exercise to be sure and one in which usually results in a sweaty sprint back to Gawker. Nonetheless, looking at my posts in concentrated doses, I can almost envision the confused expressions and almost literally hear my readers rifling through behavioral rationalizations as they struggle to understand why someone would post what I post and write what I write. In an effort at full disclosure and to save everyone involved a small amount of time, I can almost completely assure you that these past purported labellings of moi are not entirely accurate:
1. extraterrestrial
2. retarded
3. mentally ill
4. dangerous
5. douche-bag (pending)
6. from another country, possibly France
I dunno, maybe Web 2.0 just isn’t for me. Maybe I should go back to limiting my human interactions to what I was comfortable with, fighting anonymous strangers on Vampire Wars, smiling at strangers on public transportation and pretending that the people who wait on me are my friends.
Not everything fun on the Internet has to revolve around other humans. I can still make those Living Social lists about what five items I have in my pockets and fill out those About Me surveys that no one reads. The What Kind Of Disease Are You… quizzes alone could fill up a lifetime of free time. No worries here, I will be fine:)
Does anyone have Diablo Cody’s Twitter feed?
A Vampire Wars clan grab has resulted in an influx of new Facebook friends and I once again wade into the wilds of social interactions and practice my questionable social skills on actual people. My success so far has been questionable. Most of the time, a comment from me will either stop the conversation dead or cause a period of silent confusion followed by the group politely pretending I am simply not there. So far I've been fortunate and have avoided actual confrontations and outright malice but let's face it: I'm someone people enjoy removing from their network with great haste and passion and I have the constantly declining friend count to prove it.
To better understand where I could improve my people skills, I occasionally take a long view of my posts here as a whole and try to interpret this material objectively as if seen through the eyes of a complete stranger. A frightening exercise to be sure and one in which usually results in a sweaty sprint back to Gawker. Nonetheless, looking at my posts in concentrated doses, I can almost envision the confused expressions and almost literally hear my readers rifling through behavioral rationalizations as they struggle to understand why someone would post what I post and write what I write. In an effort at full disclosure and to save everyone involved a small amount of time, I can almost completely assure you that these past purported labellings of moi are not entirely accurate:
1. extraterrestrial
2. retarded
3. mentally ill
4. dangerous
5. douche-bag (pending)
6. from another country, possibly France
I dunno, maybe Web 2.0 just isn’t for me. Maybe I should go back to limiting my human interactions to what I was comfortable with, fighting anonymous strangers on Vampire Wars, smiling at strangers on public transportation and pretending that the people who wait on me are my friends.
Not everything fun on the Internet has to revolve around other humans. I can still make those Living Social lists about what five items I have in my pockets and fill out those About Me surveys that no one reads. The What Kind Of Disease Are You… quizzes alone could fill up a lifetime of free time. No worries here, I will be fine:)
Does anyone have Diablo Cody’s Twitter feed?
Dialogue: Why do you like Buffy so much?
Mark: Why do you like Buffy so much?
Jamie: Buffy was brilliant because it perfectly combined hip popculture-influenced dialogue, three dimensional characters we really cared about, an interesting supernatural mileu that respectfully stuck to every monster-mythos law it introduced, seriously weighty, often tragic storylines that were hardly ever resolved after one episode, frequent injokes referencing past minutiae that fans loved, clever metaphysical metaphors for everyday teenage angst and a strict adherance to an almost spiritual cause/effect belief in that every action these characters performed had relevant consequences somewhere down the line.
What Hill St. Blues was to cop shows and St. Elsewhere to the medical genre, Buffy was to the teen drama. It broke all the rules, pushed all the envelopes and never for a second looked down on it’s audience or dumbed it’s stuff up for the masses. It defined how good TV could be for it’s era, turned Generation X into Generation Hex, knocked the smile off of Generation Why Not's smug face and gave us a true understanding how Choices lead to Actions which dictate Characte
That’s my short answer to your question.
Jamie: Buffy was brilliant because it perfectly combined hip popculture-influenced dialogue, three dimensional characters we really cared about, an interesting supernatural mileu that respectfully stuck to every monster-mythos law it introduced, seriously weighty, often tragic storylines that were hardly ever resolved after one episode, frequent injokes referencing past minutiae that fans loved, clever metaphysical metaphors for everyday teenage angst and a strict adherance to an almost spiritual cause/effect belief in that every action these characters performed had relevant consequences somewhere down the line.
What Hill St. Blues was to cop shows and St. Elsewhere to the medical genre, Buffy was to the teen drama. It broke all the rules, pushed all the envelopes and never for a second looked down on it’s audience or dumbed it’s stuff up for the masses. It defined how good TV could be for it’s era, turned Generation X into Generation Hex, knocked the smile off of Generation Why Not's smug face and gave us a true understanding how Choices lead to Actions which dictate Characte
That’s my short answer to your question.
Observation: Believe Me, I DON'T Know Your Mom
Facebook's unrelenting conviction that I know people I don't has strained my already fragile grasp on reality to the point where I've recast my entire childhood with actors from 'Truman Show.'
Quotes: You Are No James Joyce. Clearly
Mark: "I think they don't read you for the same reason they don't read 'Ulysses.' It's just too many words."
Jamie: "That's two James Joyce comparisons this month."
Mark: "But neither was a compliment."
Fiction: Email
Mark reads in bed. Jamie works at a laptop at a desk nearby.
Jamie: Remember when spam was nothing worse than that weekly email from your aunt?
Mark: My grandmother still sends her emails to the wrong person. Every. Single. Time.
Jamie: And this email from the faux Maiduguri prince.
Mark: Why ‘faux?’
Jamie: He misspells ‘Maiduguri’ but seems to know an awful lot about how PayPal works.
Mark (absently): Right.
Jamie: …and this email from Kathy.
Mark: (puts book down, looks up questioningly)
Jamie: She was the one I thought was the one and almost moved to Canada with. But we couldn’t stop fighting about absolutely nothing until she finally broke up with me through Fed Ex.
Mark: (long silence) The Tori Amos fan?
Jamie: Right!
Mark: Right. What does she say?
Jamie: She says she still hates me and the only reason she doesn’t wish me dead is that she wants to kill me herself.
Mark just stares at Jamie…
Jamie: …and if I admit that I was a douche to her, she will talk to me again.
Mark: Were you a douche?
Jamie: (long silence) Probably.
Mark (nonplussed): Well, there you go.
Mark turns out light and rolls over, leaving Jamie illuminated only by the computer screen
Jamie: There were some smileys in there, too.
Jamie: Remember when spam was nothing worse than that weekly email from your aunt?
Mark: My grandmother still sends her emails to the wrong person. Every. Single. Time.
Jamie: And this email from the faux Maiduguri prince.
Mark: Why ‘faux?’
Jamie: He misspells ‘Maiduguri’ but seems to know an awful lot about how PayPal works.
Mark (absently): Right.
Jamie: …and this email from Kathy.
Mark: (puts book down, looks up questioningly)
Jamie: She was the one I thought was the one and almost moved to Canada with. But we couldn’t stop fighting about absolutely nothing until she finally broke up with me through Fed Ex.
Mark: (long silence) The Tori Amos fan?
Jamie: Right!
Mark: Right. What does she say?
Jamie: She says she still hates me and the only reason she doesn’t wish me dead is that she wants to kill me herself.
Mark just stares at Jamie…
Jamie: …and if I admit that I was a douche to her, she will talk to me again.
Mark: Were you a douche?
Jamie: (long silence) Probably.
Mark (nonplussed): Well, there you go.
Mark turns out light and rolls over, leaving Jamie illuminated only by the computer screen
Jamie: There were some smileys in there, too.
Quotes: Don't Answer That!
"Wait, this is one of those trick philosophical questions that can't be answered. Like what is the difference between Brittany Snow and Brittany Murphy."
Observation: Remember My Name
My unbridled enthusiasm for the cast of the ‘Fame’ remake could only be heightened by discovering that Bill Pullman was in there somewhere.
Fiction: Break-Up at HP
Living room. Seated on separate couches, Mark works on his laptop while Jamie Facebooks on his.
Jamie: (gasps at screen) Wow, when did Andy and Steph break up?
Mark: Last month. Right after he got her into an advance screening of Harry Potter, she told him in the parking lot.
Jamie: Severusly?
Mark: Jamie, this isn't funny…
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) Oh, I think it's very funny...
Mark: They were together a long time...
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) ...cause she cheated on him like five times…
Mark: They both really tried …
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) ...twice in his own effing house…
Mark: And now it's time that they both just move on.
Jamie: ...and now SHE breaks up with HIM?!
(beat, silence)
Mark: Look, just say it.
Jamie: What?
Mark: I know what you’re gonna say so just say it now and get it over with.
Jamie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Mark: Just. Say. It.
Jamie: (shakes head innocently)
(M starts typing again, long silence)
Jamie: She’s a Horcrux.
Mark: You are such a douchebag.
Jamie: (gasps at screen) Wow, when did Andy and Steph break up?
Mark: Last month. Right after he got her into an advance screening of Harry Potter, she told him in the parking lot.
Jamie: Severusly?
Mark: Jamie, this isn't funny…
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) Oh, I think it's very funny...
Mark: They were together a long time...
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) ...cause she cheated on him like five times…
Mark: They both really tried …
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) ...twice in his own effing house…
Mark: And now it's time that they both just move on.
Jamie: ...and now SHE breaks up with HIM?!
(beat, silence)
Mark: Look, just say it.
Jamie: What?
Mark: I know what you’re gonna say so just say it now and get it over with.
Jamie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Mark: Just. Say. It.
Jamie: (shakes head innocently)
(M starts typing again, long silence)
Jamie: She’s a Horcrux.
Mark: You are such a douchebag.
Observation: You Can Always Remove Them Later...
Announcing a new union in your Facebook profile seems to have now replaced the joint HIV test and the sharing of one’s ‘Gilmore Girls’ DVDs as our society’s premiere declaration of serious romantic intent.
Quotes: 'My So Called Life' was 15 years old this week.
"Only a 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' fan would tell you that 'Square Pegs' was better than 'My So Called Life.' So if you can't discuss this like an adult, just shut up."
Non-Fiction: 2009 Fall Films Release Schedule
Here are the films I'm interested in:
Sept. 4
“Extract,” rated R. (Miramax Films) Starring: Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis, Kristen Wiig, Ben Affleck.
Synopsis: A married man (Jason Bateman) is dealing with a series unlucky events when an irresistible woman (Mila Kunis) comes to work at his plant.
Official Site
Sept. 9
“9,” rated PG-13. (Focus Features) Starring: Elijah Wood, Jennifer Connelly, Crispin Glover, Martin Landau and John C. Reilly.
Synopsis: An oppressed rag doll fights for survival in a parallel universe.
Official Site
Sept. 18
“Jennifer’s Body,” rated R. (20th Century Fox) Starring: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons, Adam Brody and J.K. Simmons.
Synopsis: Megan Fox plays a hellish cheerleader who gets possessed and starts to kill boys.
Official Site
“The Informant,” rated R. (Warner Bros.) Starring: Matt Damon, Scott Bakula, Joel McHale, Mike O’Malley and Andrew Daly.
Synopsis: Matt Damon plays Mark Whitacre, a rising employee who expose his company’s price-fixing conspiracy to the FBI.
Official Site
Sept. 25
“Fame,” rated PG. (MGM) Starring: Kherington Payne, Anna Marie Perez de Tagle, Paul McGill, Asher Book and Kelsey Grammer.
Synopsis: Remake of ’80s musical follows talented groups of arts over four years at New York City High School of Performing Arts.
Official Site
“The Invention of Lying,” rated PG-13. (Warner Bros.) Starring: Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner, Rob Lowe, Jonah Hill and Louis C.K.
Synopsis: In an alternate reality, no one is allowed to lie … except for Mark (played by Ricky Gervais).
Official Site
Oct. 9
“Zombieland,” not yet rated. (Sony Pictures) Starring: Emma Stone, Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg and Abigail Breslin.
Synopsis: Comedy mixes with horror in this story of two men who find a way to survive in a world overtaken by zombies.
Official Site
“Whip It,” rated PG-13. (Fox Searchlight) Starring: Ellen Page, Jimmy Fallon, Daniel Stern and Zoe Bell.
Synopsis: Drew Barrymore makes her directorial debut in this film about a girl (Ellen Page) who is sick of being pushed by her parents to be a beauty queen, so she joins a female roller derby team.
Official Site
Oct. 16
“Where the Wild Things Are,” rated PG. (Warner Bros.) Starring: Catherine Keener, Max Records, Benicio del Toro, Forest Whitaker and Catherine O’Hara.
Synopsis: Based on the popular children’s book series, Max’s imagine soars as the king of the wild things.
Official Site
Oct. 30
“Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant,” rated PG-13. (Universal Pictures) Starring: Selma Hayek, John C. Reilly, Ken Watanabe, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Massoglia and Jessica Carlson.
Synopsis: A boy unknowingly breaks a 200-year old truce between two warring factions of vampires.
Official Site
Nov. 13
“2012,” not yet rated. (Sony Pictures) Starring: John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Danny Glover, Thandie Newton, Oliver Platt and Amanda Peet.
Synopsis: Many cultures, religions believe that the end of the world will come in 2012. This adventure from director Roland Emmerich follows the story of some survivors.
Official Site
“Fantastic Mr. Fox,” not yet rated. (Fox Searchlight) Starring: Owen Wilson, George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman and Bill Murray.
Synopsis: Mr. Fox endangers his animal community after his slips back into his old habits in this flick done with stop motion animation and puppetry.
Trailer: No official site yet.
Nov. 20
“Twilight: New Moon,” not yet rated. (Summit) Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Dakota Fanning and Chaske Spencer.
Synopsis: After Edward suddenly abandons Bella, she is drawn into the world of werewolves when she is drawn to her friend Jacob.
Official Site
Dec. 4
“Up in the Air,” (not yet rated) George Clooney and Jason Bateman.
Synopsis: Ryan Bingham is a corporate downsizing expert whose cherished life on the road is threatened just as he is on the cusp of reaching ten million frequent flyer miles and just after he's met the frequent-traveler woman of his dreams.
Trailer: No official site yet.
“Brothers,” not yet rated. (Sony Pictures) Starring: Tobey Maguire, Jake Gyllenhaal, Natalie Portman and Clifton Collins Jr.
Synopsis: A man is sent to fight in Afghanistan while his brother becomes caretaker of his wife and child.
Trailer: No official site yet
Dec. 11
“The Lovely Bones,” not yet rated. (Paramount Pictures) Starring: Rachel Weisz, Mark Wahlberg, Susan Sarandon, Stanley Tucci and Michael Imperioli.
Synopsis: A young girl who is murdered watches over her family as they struggle to cope with their loss and finding her killer.
Official Site
“Did You Hear About the Morgans?,” (not yet rated) Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Elizabeth Moss, Hugh Grant and Mary Steenburgen.
Synopsis: A comedy about an estranged couple who are placed in a witness-protection program after witnessing a murder.
Trailer: No official site yet
Dec. 18
“Avatar,” not yet rated. (20th Century Fox) Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Lola Herrera and Joel David Moore.
Synopsis: The highly anticipated James Cameron project about an ex-Marine who is torn between two worlds as an Avatar, a man with a human mind in an alien body.
Official Site
Dec. 25
“Sherlock Holmes,” not yet rated. (Warner Bros.) Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong and Eddie Marsan.
Synopsis: The legendary detective (Robert Downey Jr.) returns to the bring screen with his trust sidekick Watson (Jude Law).
Official Site
“It’s Complicated,” not yet rated. (Universal Pictures) Starring: Meryl Streep, Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin, Zoe Kazan and Lake Bell.
Synopsis: Jane (Meryl Streep) begins to have an affair with her ex-husband Jake (Alec Baldwin) who has remarried a much younger woman. But a love triangle ensues when Adam (Steve Martin) a recent divorcee and Jane’s architect, falls in love with her.
Sept. 4
“Extract,” rated R. (Miramax Films) Starring: Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis, Kristen Wiig, Ben Affleck.
Synopsis: A married man (Jason Bateman) is dealing with a series unlucky events when an irresistible woman (Mila Kunis) comes to work at his plant.
Official Site
Sept. 9
“9,” rated PG-13. (Focus Features) Starring: Elijah Wood, Jennifer Connelly, Crispin Glover, Martin Landau and John C. Reilly.
Synopsis: An oppressed rag doll fights for survival in a parallel universe.
Official Site
Sept. 18
“Jennifer’s Body,” rated R. (20th Century Fox) Starring: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons, Adam Brody and J.K. Simmons.
Synopsis: Megan Fox plays a hellish cheerleader who gets possessed and starts to kill boys.
Official Site
“The Informant,” rated R. (Warner Bros.) Starring: Matt Damon, Scott Bakula, Joel McHale, Mike O’Malley and Andrew Daly.
Synopsis: Matt Damon plays Mark Whitacre, a rising employee who expose his company’s price-fixing conspiracy to the FBI.
Official Site
Sept. 25
“Fame,” rated PG. (MGM) Starring: Kherington Payne, Anna Marie Perez de Tagle, Paul McGill, Asher Book and Kelsey Grammer.
Synopsis: Remake of ’80s musical follows talented groups of arts over four years at New York City High School of Performing Arts.
Official Site
“The Invention of Lying,” rated PG-13. (Warner Bros.) Starring: Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner, Rob Lowe, Jonah Hill and Louis C.K.
Synopsis: In an alternate reality, no one is allowed to lie … except for Mark (played by Ricky Gervais).
Official Site
Oct. 9
“Zombieland,” not yet rated. (Sony Pictures) Starring: Emma Stone, Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg and Abigail Breslin.
Synopsis: Comedy mixes with horror in this story of two men who find a way to survive in a world overtaken by zombies.
Official Site
“Whip It,” rated PG-13. (Fox Searchlight) Starring: Ellen Page, Jimmy Fallon, Daniel Stern and Zoe Bell.
Synopsis: Drew Barrymore makes her directorial debut in this film about a girl (Ellen Page) who is sick of being pushed by her parents to be a beauty queen, so she joins a female roller derby team.
Official Site
Oct. 16
“Where the Wild Things Are,” rated PG. (Warner Bros.) Starring: Catherine Keener, Max Records, Benicio del Toro, Forest Whitaker and Catherine O’Hara.
Synopsis: Based on the popular children’s book series, Max’s imagine soars as the king of the wild things.
Official Site
Oct. 30
“Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant,” rated PG-13. (Universal Pictures) Starring: Selma Hayek, John C. Reilly, Ken Watanabe, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Massoglia and Jessica Carlson.
Synopsis: A boy unknowingly breaks a 200-year old truce between two warring factions of vampires.
Official Site
Nov. 13
“2012,” not yet rated. (Sony Pictures) Starring: John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Danny Glover, Thandie Newton, Oliver Platt and Amanda Peet.
Synopsis: Many cultures, religions believe that the end of the world will come in 2012. This adventure from director Roland Emmerich follows the story of some survivors.
Official Site
“Fantastic Mr. Fox,” not yet rated. (Fox Searchlight) Starring: Owen Wilson, George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman and Bill Murray.
Synopsis: Mr. Fox endangers his animal community after his slips back into his old habits in this flick done with stop motion animation and puppetry.
Trailer: No official site yet.
Nov. 20
“Twilight: New Moon,” not yet rated. (Summit) Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Dakota Fanning and Chaske Spencer.
Synopsis: After Edward suddenly abandons Bella, she is drawn into the world of werewolves when she is drawn to her friend Jacob.
Official Site
Dec. 4
“Up in the Air,” (not yet rated) George Clooney and Jason Bateman.
Synopsis: Ryan Bingham is a corporate downsizing expert whose cherished life on the road is threatened just as he is on the cusp of reaching ten million frequent flyer miles and just after he's met the frequent-traveler woman of his dreams.
Trailer: No official site yet.
“Brothers,” not yet rated. (Sony Pictures) Starring: Tobey Maguire, Jake Gyllenhaal, Natalie Portman and Clifton Collins Jr.
Synopsis: A man is sent to fight in Afghanistan while his brother becomes caretaker of his wife and child.
Trailer: No official site yet
Dec. 11
“The Lovely Bones,” not yet rated. (Paramount Pictures) Starring: Rachel Weisz, Mark Wahlberg, Susan Sarandon, Stanley Tucci and Michael Imperioli.
Synopsis: A young girl who is murdered watches over her family as they struggle to cope with their loss and finding her killer.
Official Site
“Did You Hear About the Morgans?,” (not yet rated) Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Elizabeth Moss, Hugh Grant and Mary Steenburgen.
Synopsis: A comedy about an estranged couple who are placed in a witness-protection program after witnessing a murder.
Trailer: No official site yet
Dec. 18
“Avatar,” not yet rated. (20th Century Fox) Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Lola Herrera and Joel David Moore.
Synopsis: The highly anticipated James Cameron project about an ex-Marine who is torn between two worlds as an Avatar, a man with a human mind in an alien body.
Official Site
Dec. 25
“Sherlock Holmes,” not yet rated. (Warner Bros.) Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong and Eddie Marsan.
Synopsis: The legendary detective (Robert Downey Jr.) returns to the bring screen with his trust sidekick Watson (Jude Law).
Official Site
“It’s Complicated,” not yet rated. (Universal Pictures) Starring: Meryl Streep, Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin, Zoe Kazan and Lake Bell.
Synopsis: Jane (Meryl Streep) begins to have an affair with her ex-husband Jake (Alec Baldwin) who has remarried a much younger woman. But a love triangle ensues when Adam (Steve Martin) a recent divorcee and Jane’s architect, falls in love with her.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Fiction: Pep Talk
Mark: (dressing for work) What are we doing for lunch today?
Jamie: It's 7am, Mark. Am I still not in bed here??
Mark: I need pleasant thoughts to get me through the day.
Jamie: I'm unemployed, it's August, we're in Jersey City and it's 100 degrees out there. Fuck your pleasant thoughts. I'm not getting out of this bed.
Mark: "Life is..."
Jamie: (stares)
Mark: "Umm..."
Jamie: (stares)
Mark: "Life is like exercise. If you're not sweating, you're probably not accomplishing anything."
Jamie: "Coming from someone who's spent every summer of his life in New England, that means absolutely nothing to me."
Jamie: It's 7am, Mark. Am I still not in bed here??
Mark: I need pleasant thoughts to get me through the day.
Jamie: I'm unemployed, it's August, we're in Jersey City and it's 100 degrees out there. Fuck your pleasant thoughts. I'm not getting out of this bed.
Mark: "Life is..."
Jamie: (stares)
Mark: "Umm..."
Jamie: (stares)
Mark: "Life is like exercise. If you're not sweating, you're probably not accomplishing anything."
Jamie: "Coming from someone who's spent every summer of his life in New England, that means absolutely nothing to me."
Quotes: Facebook
"Looking through my list of installed apps on Facebook, I realize there's hardly a one I haven't tried. I'm the Jennifer Aniston of shoddy Flash games."
Fiction: WoW Fight
(While exiting the theater, Jamie checks his cell phone and they both drift towards the refreshment stand)
Mark: So, the 'Avatar' trailer…
Jamie: Hmm…
Mark: (smiling) Sort of vindicates all that 'FernGully' fanfic I used to write.
Jamie: (laughs easily) Ha. Right. I don’t know whether to watch 'Tron' when I get home or go right to making dirty things in Adobe Flash.
(Both arrive at refreshment stand and take their place in line)
Jamie: (shows Mark his cell phone) Look at all this money I have in "FarmTown."
Mark: (shakes head) You know that’s not real, right?
Jamie: (still studying cell phone) Big harvest tonight at 2.
Mark: You were a little easier to take when you were just playing WoW.
Jamie: (grimaces good-naturedly)
Mark: The Lich King expansion changed the whole game. You should come back.
(Finally, they arrive at front of refreshment line and Jamie puts cell phone away)
Jamie: (to cashier) Two cappuccinos, please.
Jamie: (to Mark) Do they let you buy houses yet?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I have your blue armor?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I have your mount?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I go on raids with you?
Mark: (hesitates) No.
Jamie: (stares at Mark)
(Uncomfortable silence. Jamie leans into Mark, begins to straighten his tie and resumes speaking evenly but slightly softer)
Jamie: Well, maybe you should go to the party tonight with the Lich King…
(Jamie pulls Mark’s tie tight)
Jamie: (raises chin and whispers into Mark’s ear) …and then afterward, you two can fuck yourselves.
(Jamie leaves. Mark turns to watch him leave then turns back to the just-returned refreshment girl)
Refreshment Girl: (places two cups on counter in front of Mark) Two cappuccinos. $9.75.
(Mark stares at drinks)
Refreshment Girl: You could have let him have the armor but now you're gonna have to give him the mount.
(Mark stares at Refreshment Girl)
Mark: So, the 'Avatar' trailer…
Jamie: Hmm…
Mark: (smiling) Sort of vindicates all that 'FernGully' fanfic I used to write.
Jamie: (laughs easily) Ha. Right. I don’t know whether to watch 'Tron' when I get home or go right to making dirty things in Adobe Flash.
(Both arrive at refreshment stand and take their place in line)
Jamie: (shows Mark his cell phone) Look at all this money I have in "FarmTown."
Mark: (shakes head) You know that’s not real, right?
Jamie: (still studying cell phone) Big harvest tonight at 2.
Mark: You were a little easier to take when you were just playing WoW.
Jamie: (grimaces good-naturedly)
Mark: The Lich King expansion changed the whole game. You should come back.
(Finally, they arrive at front of refreshment line and Jamie puts cell phone away)
Jamie: (to cashier) Two cappuccinos, please.
Jamie: (to Mark) Do they let you buy houses yet?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I have your blue armor?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I have your mount?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I go on raids with you?
Mark: (hesitates) No.
Jamie: (stares at Mark)
(Uncomfortable silence. Jamie leans into Mark, begins to straighten his tie and resumes speaking evenly but slightly softer)
Jamie: Well, maybe you should go to the party tonight with the Lich King…
(Jamie pulls Mark’s tie tight)
Jamie: (raises chin and whispers into Mark’s ear) …and then afterward, you two can fuck yourselves.
(Jamie leaves. Mark turns to watch him leave then turns back to the just-returned refreshment girl)
Refreshment Girl: (places two cups on counter in front of Mark) Two cappuccinos. $9.75.
(Mark stares at drinks)
Refreshment Girl: You could have let him have the armor but now you're gonna have to give him the mount.
(Mark stares at Refreshment Girl)
Fiction: Summer Films
Jamie: That screening of Julie & Julia had more Cougars in it than that stupid animal show you watch.
Mark: Was it worse than (500) Days?
Jamie: The people in (500) Days were harmless. Was just five older couples and one old Asian man obviously confused by the number and parentheses in the title.
Mark: He thought it was about math.
Jamie: Yeah.
Mark: What about Transformers 2?
Jamie: I didn’t see that. I wouldn’t go near those freaks with a ten-foot pole.
Mark: Was it worse than (500) Days?
Jamie: The people in (500) Days were harmless. Was just five older couples and one old Asian man obviously confused by the number and parentheses in the title.
Mark: He thought it was about math.
Jamie: Yeah.
Mark: What about Transformers 2?
Jamie: I didn’t see that. I wouldn’t go near those freaks with a ten-foot pole.
Fiction: You Know How I Know...?
After spending almost a week at his family’s, Mark stops by to pick Jamie up for a film. With his mom and sisters and nephew all busying themselves elsewhere, Mark finds Jamie alone in the computer room.
We join the two in mid-conversation…
Jamie: Why would they think we were gay?
Mark: Well, for one, you seem to be smoking nothing but Virginia Slims Lights now.
Jamie: You KNOW I got those from my sister.
Mark: You’re wearing your mother’s shirt.
Jamie: It’s hot, I change often.
Mark: The shirt says STONEWALL 40.
Jamie: C’mon.
Mark: You had to use your shirt to open that Snapple.
Jamie: (silence)
Mark: You’re sitting in front of a computer playing something called ‘FarmTown.’
Jamie: (stares)
Mark: When I walked in, you were listening to ‘Pretty in Pink.’
Jamie: (turns off comp, stands) Let’s go, we’re going to be late for 'The Ugly Truth.'
We join the two in mid-conversation…
Jamie: Why would they think we were gay?
Mark: Well, for one, you seem to be smoking nothing but Virginia Slims Lights now.
Jamie: You KNOW I got those from my sister.
Mark: You’re wearing your mother’s shirt.
Jamie: It’s hot, I change often.
Mark: The shirt says STONEWALL 40.
Jamie: C’mon.
Mark: You had to use your shirt to open that Snapple.
Jamie: (silence)
Mark: You’re sitting in front of a computer playing something called ‘FarmTown.’
Jamie: (stares)
Mark: When I walked in, you were listening to ‘Pretty in Pink.’
Jamie: (turns off comp, stands) Let’s go, we’re going to be late for 'The Ugly Truth.'
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Observation: Sosh Net
Some day, someone will look at everything I've ever posted on Facebook and Twitter and...
...not understand.
...not understand.
The Shape of Things to Come
As anyone who knows a dork can tell you, these testing shenanigans may go on all week...
Test post from cell phone
After Facebook and Twitter, why a blog now?
Because I didn't yet have a place where I could discuss "anal" whenever I wanted.
Because I didn't yet have a place where I could discuss "anal" whenever I wanted.
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