"No one is good enough for him."
-----my mom, on George Clooney's dating prospects

"Trying is the first step towards failure."

"Did you just say "LOL" instead of laughing?"

"That haircut Bruce Willis has in Surrogates better be a plot-point."

"He’s really let his farm go on Facebook. Clearly, he’s very troubled."

Quotes: You Are No James Joyce. Clearly

Mark:  "I think they don't read you for the same reason they don't read 'Ulysses.' It's just too many words."

Jamie:  "That's two James Joyce comparisons this month."

Mark:  "But neither was a compliment."

Quotes: Don't Answer That!

"Wait, this is one of those trick philosophical questions that can't be answered. Like what is the difference between Brittany Snow and Brittany Murphy."

Quotes: 'My So Called Life' was 15 years old this week.

"Only a 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' fan would tell you that 'Square Pegs' was better than 'My So Called Life.' So if you can't discuss this like an adult, just shut up."

Quotes: Facebook

"Looking through my list of installed apps on Facebook, I realize there's hardly a one I haven't tried.  I'm the Jennifer Aniston of shoddy Flash games."