Saturday, June 13, 2020
Wednesday, June 10, 2020
Why NBC's "Hannibal" Was One of the Best Damn Shows Ever Created
How Do I Love "Hannibal?" Let Me Count The Ways...
I wouldn't even acknowledge the existence of television until 1990's "Twin Peaks." After that, I fell in love with Joss Wedon's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" in the late 90's and then pretty much forgot TV existed again. With streaming now making it easier to see things at our own convenience, I reluctantly began to search out the critically acclaimed or just plain weird. Sure, give tons of credit to "Breaking Bad" and "Game of Thrones" but I only saw these shows way after the talk had faded and I could watch these programs in peace without fear of spoilers everywhere I turned. But in my mind, the real modern instant classics of the 2010's were the BBC's "Sherlock" and the show we're going to talk about today: NBC's "Hannibal." Here's some of the reasons why I continue to ponder and adore this adaptation:
* It changes Thomas Harris' stories just enough to keep things unpredictable and interesting. For instance, the final scene of the first season is an extremely clever reversal of the first introduction of Lecter in prison in "Silence of the Lambs." The show changes some of the characters' genders from male to female. Things happen in the show in a much different order than the books. No matter if you've read all the books and seen all the films, the story of Will and Hannibal is rejiggered just enough to feel fresh and modern.
* The second season begins with a brutal hand-to-hand fight between two of the main characters 12 weeks in the future and ends with a finale that is the most harrowing bloodbath I've ever seen on a network show. Seriously, we're shown things that I've never seen done in a continuing television show before. There are cliffhangers and then there's this and the almost year-long wait to see how this resolved itself was excruciating. But now that all three seasons are streaming on Amazon Prime, you new viewers don't have to suffer that.
* The imagery in the show is disturbing while also being beautifully filmed; never have you seen such violence and violations of the human form rendered in such picture-perfect detail. Will starts out haunted and stalked by this imaginary stag, a large antlered mythical beast that by the second season has transformed into the pitch black form of an antlered man. That image is, of course, Hannibal but distorted into something grotesque but beautiful.
* It has a wicked sense of humor. The dialogue is a rapid fire give and take of setups and then the blackest punchlines. Its punishment of the Dr. Chilton character is a running gag that gets more delicious the crueler it becomes. Actor Raúl Esparza is perfect as the greedy and opportunistic Chilton and the terrible situations this show keeps putting him in lets us know that the writers are in on the black humor of the show every step of the way. It doesn't hurt that Esparza is so good at playing such a cad (and Hannibal never had much tolerance for the rude or crude).
* The show is a foodies dream come true, showing exquisite preparation of the most exotic dishes, all lovingly photographed with a finer sheen than I've ever seen on the food network.
* It's a love story in the grandest, most tragic sense. On par with how Buffy and Angel could never overcome their differences and true natures, such is the relationship between Hannibal and Will Graham. While both have a connection to the darkside that few other humans can even imagine, Will will always fight on the side of angels while Hannibal is, of course, pure evil. At one point, Will explains their major difference so succinctly: "You revel in the darkness while I merely tolerate it." Despite the monster that Hannibal is, his actual feelings for Will never seem anything less than valid and genuine and it's this pursued friendship by Hannibal of Will that remains poignant and affecting throughout the entire show.
* And yet despite how terrible Hannibal is, he is also a master actor, a "highly functioning sociopath," to steal a quote from one of my other favorite shows from the mid 2010's about an unlikable antihero, the BBC's "Sherlock." Hannibal is nobodies best friend although he can simulate one perfectly. Early in the first season when he rushes in to save the victim of a throat slashing, you can almost see how wonderful this character could be if he wasn't so broken. In the second season, he's given the chance to save a beloved character who is overdosing right in front of him. He pauses a second, flips a coin, looks at the results and then brings them back from the brink.
* The entire cast is to die for. I almost can't describe how good Mads Mikkelsen is in the title role except to make a comparison with a performance that I still hold sacred. Mikkelsen taking over the role from Anthony Hopkins and making it his own is the exact level of quality that Heath Ledger did the same with the Joker character in Nolan's Batman films. Instantly, we forget that anyone else ever even tried to play this character and it's one that will stand the test of time, I'm sure.
Hugh Dancy as Will Graham is nearly as good but he receives a little less credit here just because I think it might be easier playing a good guy. And Will is good through and Through. Reveiled early on to be a dog-lover, Will can't resist taking home every stray he finds. And despite his talent for getting into the minds of killers ("He has pure empathy"), he remains as vulnerable as a child. There's never a moment where you don't feel for this character and just want to be his friend, to give him a hug as he puts himself in more and more danger bringing the baddies to justice.
Laurence Fishburne brings a bedrocks heft to the role of Jack Crawford and "Firefly's" fantastic Gina Torres plays his wife, who's thankfully given more to do than most TV characters' wives. As fellow FBI agents, Hettienne Park is Beverly Katz, a Graham coworker who stands by Will when others won't. Scott Thompson and Aaron Abrams are Jimmy Price and Brian Zeller, two agents on the forensic team who have to have a background in comedy considering how funny they both are here. And for Hannibal Lecter's own psychiatrist, they brought in a heavy hitter who had the background and reputation and gravitas to play someone who we'd actually believe the devil himself would look up to: Gillian Anderson. After all her years on "The X-Files," we can believe her to now be an esteemed professional in the psychiatric field.
Despite my esteem for this show, the first season isn't perfect but all of those early-footing faults can I'm sure be traced back to the network that bankrolled this bold and risky effort. The format it starts out with, a buddy cop procedural chasing down new weirdo serial killers every week is so traditional, I actually dismissed this show after watching most of the first season. The fact that it actually recovered and got interesting by those last first episodes indicate that the money guys seemed to let series creator Bryan Fuller off the creative leash and came to trust him more as the show went on. The show settles into the extraordinary at the start of the second season and never lets up and as a whole, its the work of a supremely confidant and talented artist. The fact that we actually got 3 seasons of this defies belief.
I wouldn't even acknowledge the existence of television until 1990's "Twin Peaks." After that, I fell in love with Joss Wedon's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" in the late 90's and then pretty much forgot TV existed again. With streaming now making it easier to see things at our own convenience, I reluctantly began to search out the critically acclaimed or just plain weird. Sure, give tons of credit to "Breaking Bad" and "Game of Thrones" but I only saw these shows way after the talk had faded and I could watch these programs in peace without fear of spoilers everywhere I turned. But in my mind, the real modern instant classics of the 2010's were the BBC's "Sherlock" and the show we're going to talk about today: NBC's "Hannibal." Here's some of the reasons why I continue to ponder and adore this adaptation:
* It changes Thomas Harris' stories just enough to keep things unpredictable and interesting. For instance, the final scene of the first season is an extremely clever reversal of the first introduction of Lecter in prison in "Silence of the Lambs." The show changes some of the characters' genders from male to female. Things happen in the show in a much different order than the books. No matter if you've read all the books and seen all the films, the story of Will and Hannibal is rejiggered just enough to feel fresh and modern.
* The second season begins with a brutal hand-to-hand fight between two of the main characters 12 weeks in the future and ends with a finale that is the most harrowing bloodbath I've ever seen on a network show. Seriously, we're shown things that I've never seen done in a continuing television show before. There are cliffhangers and then there's this and the almost year-long wait to see how this resolved itself was excruciating. But now that all three seasons are streaming on Amazon Prime, you new viewers don't have to suffer that.
* The imagery in the show is disturbing while also being beautifully filmed; never have you seen such violence and violations of the human form rendered in such picture-perfect detail. Will starts out haunted and stalked by this imaginary stag, a large antlered mythical beast that by the second season has transformed into the pitch black form of an antlered man. That image is, of course, Hannibal but distorted into something grotesque but beautiful.
* It has a wicked sense of humor. The dialogue is a rapid fire give and take of setups and then the blackest punchlines. Its punishment of the Dr. Chilton character is a running gag that gets more delicious the crueler it becomes. Actor Raúl Esparza is perfect as the greedy and opportunistic Chilton and the terrible situations this show keeps putting him in lets us know that the writers are in on the black humor of the show every step of the way. It doesn't hurt that Esparza is so good at playing such a cad (and Hannibal never had much tolerance for the rude or crude).
* The show is a foodies dream come true, showing exquisite preparation of the most exotic dishes, all lovingly photographed with a finer sheen than I've ever seen on the food network.
* It's a love story in the grandest, most tragic sense. On par with how Buffy and Angel could never overcome their differences and true natures, such is the relationship between Hannibal and Will Graham. While both have a connection to the darkside that few other humans can even imagine, Will will always fight on the side of angels while Hannibal is, of course, pure evil. At one point, Will explains their major difference so succinctly: "You revel in the darkness while I merely tolerate it." Despite the monster that Hannibal is, his actual feelings for Will never seem anything less than valid and genuine and it's this pursued friendship by Hannibal of Will that remains poignant and affecting throughout the entire show.
* And yet despite how terrible Hannibal is, he is also a master actor, a "highly functioning sociopath," to steal a quote from one of my other favorite shows from the mid 2010's about an unlikable antihero, the BBC's "Sherlock." Hannibal is nobodies best friend although he can simulate one perfectly. Early in the first season when he rushes in to save the victim of a throat slashing, you can almost see how wonderful this character could be if he wasn't so broken. In the second season, he's given the chance to save a beloved character who is overdosing right in front of him. He pauses a second, flips a coin, looks at the results and then brings them back from the brink.
* The entire cast is to die for. I almost can't describe how good Mads Mikkelsen is in the title role except to make a comparison with a performance that I still hold sacred. Mikkelsen taking over the role from Anthony Hopkins and making it his own is the exact level of quality that Heath Ledger did the same with the Joker character in Nolan's Batman films. Instantly, we forget that anyone else ever even tried to play this character and it's one that will stand the test of time, I'm sure.
Hugh Dancy as Will Graham is nearly as good but he receives a little less credit here just because I think it might be easier playing a good guy. And Will is good through and Through. Reveiled early on to be a dog-lover, Will can't resist taking home every stray he finds. And despite his talent for getting into the minds of killers ("He has pure empathy"), he remains as vulnerable as a child. There's never a moment where you don't feel for this character and just want to be his friend, to give him a hug as he puts himself in more and more danger bringing the baddies to justice.
Laurence Fishburne brings a bedrocks heft to the role of Jack Crawford and "Firefly's" fantastic Gina Torres plays his wife, who's thankfully given more to do than most TV characters' wives. As fellow FBI agents, Hettienne Park is Beverly Katz, a Graham coworker who stands by Will when others won't. Scott Thompson and Aaron Abrams are Jimmy Price and Brian Zeller, two agents on the forensic team who have to have a background in comedy considering how funny they both are here. And for Hannibal Lecter's own psychiatrist, they brought in a heavy hitter who had the background and reputation and gravitas to play someone who we'd actually believe the devil himself would look up to: Gillian Anderson. After all her years on "The X-Files," we can believe her to now be an esteemed professional in the psychiatric field.
Despite my esteem for this show, the first season isn't perfect but all of those early-footing faults can I'm sure be traced back to the network that bankrolled this bold and risky effort. The format it starts out with, a buddy cop procedural chasing down new weirdo serial killers every week is so traditional, I actually dismissed this show after watching most of the first season. The fact that it actually recovered and got interesting by those last first episodes indicate that the money guys seemed to let series creator Bryan Fuller off the creative leash and came to trust him more as the show went on. The show settles into the extraordinary at the start of the second season and never lets up and as a whole, its the work of a supremely confidant and talented artist. The fact that we actually got 3 seasons of this defies belief.
Tuesday, June 9, 2020
Buying a Computer During a Crisis
Even before I hitched my wagon to Amazon last weekend, I let Dell waste two weeks of my time. I ordered a laptop from them, they said it would be here in two weeks and then right before that 2 week period ended, they said NOPE, DELAYED! and added another 3 weeks to ship time. So I was grumpy about this whole thing even before I went to Amazon.
Amazon taking my money before shipping my computer didn't help my mood. Them letting 4 days go by without being able to give me any idea when my order was going to ship solidified my belief that I had to move on. CANCELLED and now waiting for them to return my funds.
Best Buy claims that as long as an item is in stock, a customer can pick up something in person at their store approximately one hour after ordering. Because they have plenty of laptops that fit exactly what I'm looking for, I will give them a try as soon as Amazon returns that "premature" (stolen too harsh?) withdrawal.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Sorry, Amazon, you're not the only game in town.
Even during a pandemic.
Amazon taking my money before shipping my computer didn't help my mood. Them letting 4 days go by without being able to give me any idea when my order was going to ship solidified my belief that I had to move on. CANCELLED and now waiting for them to return my funds.
Best Buy claims that as long as an item is in stock, a customer can pick up something in person at their store approximately one hour after ordering. Because they have plenty of laptops that fit exactly what I'm looking for, I will give them a try as soon as Amazon returns that "premature" (stolen too harsh?) withdrawal.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Sorry, Amazon, you're not the only game in town.
Even during a pandemic.
Saturday, June 6, 2020
Best Buy Pivots and Scores; My Complete Chromebook System is Finally Here
Waiting to receive that last item from my Chromebook package, the keyboard, it was obvious that there was a delivery problem. Although Best Buy claimed to have sent it out on a specific date, neither UPS nor USPS ever admitted to picking it up. After the delivery date came and went, I called Best Buy and they did something surprising and amazing: they took care of the problem in the best possible way.
"Yep, that sure does look like it's lost in transit," the customer service guy said after putting me on hold. "How about we overnight another one to you right now?"
Best Buy's reaction and handling of this problem was of course, exemplary. I did, in fact, receive the item the very next day as promised. So, (kudos x 1,000,000) to Best Buy and that phone guy who helped me.
So now I have this complete 2 in 1 Chromebook system that needs to be reviewed. And so far, I don't have many complaints at all.
Snap the portable $199 Google keyboard onto the Pixel Slate and it switches the tablets software from tablet mode to "desktop." Leaning into the tablet, you now get the impression you're dealing with a desktop and not a touch-controlled tablet.
On the very center bottom of the screen are still the icons leading to . Immediately to the right is the icon that leads to the Google Pen applications and to the right of that, Google's version of Microsoft's system tray, the most important shortcuts to the system's core controls.
(to be continued...)
"Yep, that sure does look like it's lost in transit," the customer service guy said after putting me on hold. "How about we overnight another one to you right now?"
Best Buy's reaction and handling of this problem was of course, exemplary. I did, in fact, receive the item the very next day as promised. So, (kudos x 1,000,000) to Best Buy and that phone guy who helped me.
So now I have this complete 2 in 1 Chromebook system that needs to be reviewed. And so far, I don't have many complaints at all.
Snap the portable $199 Google keyboard onto the Pixel Slate and it switches the tablets software from tablet mode to "desktop." Leaning into the tablet, you now get the impression you're dealing with a desktop and not a touch-controlled tablet.
On the very center bottom of the screen are still the icons leading to . Immediately to the right is the icon that leads to the Google Pen applications and to the right of that, Google's version of Microsoft's system tray, the most important shortcuts to the system's core controls.
(to be continued...)
Friday, June 5, 2020
Springsteen Playlist: My Favorite Bruce
Best Bruce: 1973-2019
After his music, you have the man himself. Over the years, his decency
and common sense, his insistence on always standing up for what's right,
giving voice to those without one and allying with and speaking out in support
of those trying to make the world a better place has always inspired me.
And so, my favorite Bruce songs. Just to shake things up a little and
give us a break from the overplayed studio versions, I've leaned towards live
versions when available and when appropriate, acoustic performances over
larger stadium productions.
After my friend, my sister Joanne, has had a chance to watch this and be surprised at my choices, I'll post a full set list naming every song. Until then, enjoy the show!
Bonus videos
Springsteen on Colbert in 2016, discussing Bruce's top 5 favorite Bruce songs:
Thursday, June 4, 2020
Amid Civil Unrest, Boyega, Lynch, Cooper and Trudeau React Appropriately and Professionally. And Trump? Not So Much
1) Boyega
'Now is the time': Emotional John Boyega addresses protesters at London Black Lives Matter rally
2) Lynch
3) Cooper
How to bible pic.twitter.com/Kib5lTdlRt— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) June 3, 2020
4) Trump
The professionally managed so-called “protesters” at the White House had little to do with the memory of George Floyd. They were just there to cause trouble. The @SecretService handled them easily. Tonight, I understand, is MAGA NIGHT AT THE WHITE HOUSE???— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 30, 2020
Great job last night at the White House by the U.S. @SecretService. They were not only totally professional, but very cool. I was inside, watched every move, and couldn’t have felt more safe. They let the “protesters” scream & rant as much as they wanted, but whenever someone....— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 30, 2020
....have been greeted with the most vicious dogs, and most ominous weapons, I have ever seen. That’s when people would have been really badly hurt, at least. Many Secret Service agents just waiting for action. “We put the young ones on the front line, sir, they love it, and....— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 30, 2020
....good practice.” As you saw last night, they were very cool & very professional. Never let it get out of hand. Thank you! On the bad side, the D.C. Mayor, @MurielBowser, who is always looking for money & help, wouldn’t let the D.C. Police get involved. “Not their job.” Nice!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 30, 2020
5) Trudeau
Tuesday, June 2, 2020
Books Bought in May 2020
American Heiress by Jeffrey Toobin
Antisocial by Andrew Marantz
Antisocial Media by Siva Vaidhyanathan
Becoming by Michelle Obama
Before and After the Book Deal by Courtney Maum
Before the Fall by Noah Hawley
David Lynch: Beautiful Dark by Greg Olson
Fleishman is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner
God Save Texas by Lawrence Wright
In One Person by John Irving
Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann
Lost City of Z, The by David Grann
Looming Tower, The by Lawrence Wright
Midnight in Chernobyl by Adam Higginbotham
Nickel Boys, The by Colson Whitehead
This is Chance! By Jon Mooallem
Underground Railroad, The by Colson Whitehead
Weather by Jenny Offill
Working: Researching, Interviewing, Writing by Robert Caro
Yellow House, The by Sarah M. Broom
Zookeeper's Wife, The by Diane Ackerman
Kazuo Ishiguro (7 books)
Toni Morrison's complete library (27 books)
A bunch of public domain work by Edgar Allan Poe, H.P. Lovecraft, Arthur Conan Doyle, Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott.
Finished:
End of October, The by Lawrence Wright
The Complete Works by Arthur Conan Doyle
Monday, June 1, 2020
Pixel Slate #2: Why No Review Yet?
I've been trying to wait until I receive this complete Pixel Slate Chromebook system before even thinking about posting my thoughts on it and that hasn't happened yet. I've received the Slate itself and the Google Pen but not the keyboard. It's Monday, June 1st as I write and post this and a Best Buy help desk employee claims I will receive the keyboard tomorrow on Tuesday. Tracking info online for this item has been non-existent. Like, literally, UPS tracking info claims they haven't even picked up the item yet while Best Buy says it shipped last week. That employee swears I have nothing to worry about and that I should just give it another 24 hours.
In the meantime, my use of this tablet has been mostly wonderful. Watching videos of the device before I received it, the tablet itself looked kind of chunky and thick to me. Because it's almost 12.5 inches, it also looked a little unwieldy. Was that because I've never held in my hands a tablet that large?
As it turns out, probably. Using this tablet for the past week has been great and is often the case, the camera was adding 50 pounds to this device's girth. In person, it's sleek, sexy and most important, light. It's exactly 25.6 ounces or 1.5 pounds and actually feels lighter than that while holding it.
Another thing I worried about was the Intel processor inside. We're talking about the M3 CPU, a chipset I knew nothing about. Despite coming with 8 GB of RAM, would this processor be enough to power this large tablet with the breathtaking 3,000 x 2,000 resolution display? From my early use, it seems yes.
While the model does offer i5 and i7 Intel variations, I chose the less powerful M3 for two reasons:
1) This 2 in 1 portable Chromebook was not going to be my main computer system and in fact, be used mostly as a portable tablet. All I wanted was for something that would demolish any mobile app I threw at it.
2) Best Buy was offering a deal on this specific model that was impossible to refuse: the tablet alone at almost half price with the $300 keyboard and Google Pen accessories thrown in for free. An $1,100 computer system for less than the cost of a mid-range iPad Air. Yeah, it was an offer I couldn't refuse and after actually holding the tablet in my hands, looking at it's high resolution display with my own eyes and watching it run lots of different programs and apps from the Play store, I've not regretted taking that deal. Like Fredo in the boat, something can still sneak up on me and surprise me violently but... I don't think so. The thing runs almost like a dream.
Other off-the-cuff thoughts:
The tablet holds a charge for a long time. Like, a long, long time. After charging it to 100% when I first received it, it's at 50% after a week of performing every kind of task: browsing, downloading and installing and running fairly demanding games and apps.
It shuts down and restarts up to front desktop like nothing I've seen. Seriously, doing either feels almost instant, faster than my beloved Amazon Kindles, even. But as the core of an $1,100 system, I guess it should, right?
Mini FAQ's
Why did you get a Chromebook?
Price; see above. Also, I wanted a new tablet and this was the smartest choice in my price range.
What could you possibly do with a Chromebook?
How many people do you know that never leave their browser window when using a computer?
Personally, when I get a new piece of electronics, the first thing I do is try to push it to its maximum performance. How easy is it to find something to run that causes this device slowdown? I ran Asphalt 8 and the most recent XCOM. Having received the Google Pen in the package deal, I ran lots of note-taking apps and tried to take down the goddamned thing with scribbling. Nothing I threw at it caused the slightest dip in framerate.
So I installed Linux on it. Because what the fuck all else am I going to do with the country still closed and my hair looking like this, huh?
Like Everyone Else, David Lynch is Bored.
David Lynch is one of my most favorite people of all time and most definitely my favorite artist. Just watching him speak of something usually lifts that whole day. He's just so joyous and sincere which, in case you haven't noticed, has been in short supply on the Internet since the day it was created.
He is also one of those rare cases of someone who seems to practice what he preaches. He speaks often of his love of Transcendental Meditation and on the many ways it's improved and enriched his life. And just listening to him speaks on the things he loves, he is obviously on to something. He not only speaks of enlightenment but is one of the few people who I can believe has actually found it.
And like everyone else these days during the quarantine, Mr. Lynch seems to be getting quite bored. So bored, in fact, that he seems willing to speak with anyone with a Zoom account. Here he is talking with another practitioner of Transcendental Meditation (which I'll abbreviate to "TM" from now one), a fellow named Mario:
It's a typical Lynch interview, one in which Lynch is asked common questions such as "Where do you get your ideas?" and "What has TM done for you?" And although I've seen and heard Lynch's answers to these questions many times, a Lynch interview is never boring. His character and personality and decency are so vibrant that those positive qualities shine through in every one of his words and never fails to uplift me, to make me want to start new projects and examine new ways of dealing with stress and negativity.
That interview was posted on May 16, 2020 and here's another posted just two weeks before, on April 28th. This one is with author and podcaster Susie Pearl, who seems to share lots of Lynch's interests and ideas on meditation, creativity and art. Pearl also shares an amazing story about her own recent experiences with TM and describes one incident that might be an out and out miracle. Here, Lynch is even more excitable and involved with the back and forth discussion and since Pearl is a better interviewer than Mario, it's a better overall watch.
Over on one of his own official YouTube channels, Lynch is documenting how he's keeping busy at home in a series of videos entitled "What's David Working on Today?"
Also on that channel, Lynch has been providing daily LA weather reports for the past 3 weeks. This is a sweet reference to his pay site back in the early 2000's which, among other oddities, provided the same kind of reports (even from the same room!). So, while kind of weird, there is a precedent to Lynch doing this kind of thing. And let's face it; after a full three months, everyone is chomping at the bit to get out and clutching at straws to kill time and find some way to get through yet another day of social distancing and sheltering in place. Some of us do that with creativity and work towards creating things. I'm no artist and yet I'm never more happy than when working on a project, planning things and working out best ways to accomplish bringing ideas to life.
I was going to detail what a couple of other different artists were doing to pass the time during this downtime but I'm going to wrap up this entry with Lynch alone. If I don't come back to this subject, I'd suggest looking up the new short iPhone film Martin Scorsese posted on Twitter last week and John Krasinski's newest YouTube project "Some Good News." See how easy that was? We just killed an hour together.
Links:
Transcendental Meditation Wikipedia page.
Supposedly the official Transcendental Meditation site here.
David Lynch Foundation YouTube channel.
David Lynch Theater YouTube channel.
David Lynch's music YouTube channel.
He is also one of those rare cases of someone who seems to practice what he preaches. He speaks often of his love of Transcendental Meditation and on the many ways it's improved and enriched his life. And just listening to him speaks on the things he loves, he is obviously on to something. He not only speaks of enlightenment but is one of the few people who I can believe has actually found it.
And like everyone else these days during the quarantine, Mr. Lynch seems to be getting quite bored. So bored, in fact, that he seems willing to speak with anyone with a Zoom account. Here he is talking with another practitioner of Transcendental Meditation (which I'll abbreviate to "TM" from now one), a fellow named Mario:
It's a typical Lynch interview, one in which Lynch is asked common questions such as "Where do you get your ideas?" and "What has TM done for you?" And although I've seen and heard Lynch's answers to these questions many times, a Lynch interview is never boring. His character and personality and decency are so vibrant that those positive qualities shine through in every one of his words and never fails to uplift me, to make me want to start new projects and examine new ways of dealing with stress and negativity.
That interview was posted on May 16, 2020 and here's another posted just two weeks before, on April 28th. This one is with author and podcaster Susie Pearl, who seems to share lots of Lynch's interests and ideas on meditation, creativity and art. Pearl also shares an amazing story about her own recent experiences with TM and describes one incident that might be an out and out miracle. Here, Lynch is even more excitable and involved with the back and forth discussion and since Pearl is a better interviewer than Mario, it's a better overall watch.
Over on one of his own official YouTube channels, Lynch is documenting how he's keeping busy at home in a series of videos entitled "What's David Working on Today?"
Also on that channel, Lynch has been providing daily LA weather reports for the past 3 weeks. This is a sweet reference to his pay site back in the early 2000's which, among other oddities, provided the same kind of reports (even from the same room!). So, while kind of weird, there is a precedent to Lynch doing this kind of thing. And let's face it; after a full three months, everyone is chomping at the bit to get out and clutching at straws to kill time and find some way to get through yet another day of social distancing and sheltering in place. Some of us do that with creativity and work towards creating things. I'm no artist and yet I'm never more happy than when working on a project, planning things and working out best ways to accomplish bringing ideas to life.
I was going to detail what a couple of other different artists were doing to pass the time during this downtime but I'm going to wrap up this entry with Lynch alone. If I don't come back to this subject, I'd suggest looking up the new short iPhone film Martin Scorsese posted on Twitter last week and John Krasinski's newest YouTube project "Some Good News." See how easy that was? We just killed an hour together.
Links:
Transcendental Meditation Wikipedia page.
Supposedly the official Transcendental Meditation site here.
David Lynch Foundation YouTube channel.
David Lynch Theater YouTube channel.
David Lynch's music YouTube channel.
Carell Leads "Space Force" into New Uncharted Character Territory
"Boots on the moon by 2024!"
6 episodes into its 10-episode run, I kind of love Netflix's new work space comedy "Space Force." It's sweet and friendly and kind, definitely more "Parks and Recreation" than "The Office." None of that cringe-y, really uncomfortable "Office" stuff here. Just some decent people trying to do their stupid jobs without being too terrible to each other.
It's first episode pilot is a rocky start because it's just honestly not very funny. But after a few episodes, it becomes less cartoonish and the show seems to get more confidant and comfortable with what it's trying to be; it really hits its stride mid-season. By episode six, I was occasionally chuckling out loud and mostly always had at least a smile on my face.
The cast is a mixture of highly respected comedians (Jane Lynch, Lisa Kudrow, Fred Willard and Kaitlin Olson), popular personalities (Ben Swartz) and newcomers (Tawny Newsome steals every scene she's in). John Malkovich adds gravitas as the head scientist but is having as much fun as the rest of the cast in this silly but never broad or juvenile production.
The cast is a mixture of highly respected comedians (Jane Lynch, Lisa Kudrow, Fred Willard and Kaitlin Olson), popular personalities (Ben Swartz) and newcomers (Tawny Newsome steals every scene she's in). John Malkovich adds gravitas as the head scientist but is having as much fun as the rest of the cast in this silly but never broad or juvenile production.
Newsome and Jimmy O. Yang's botany scientist Chan develop the sweetest chemistry throughout the first season and it becomes so much more than the typical sitcom trope of "will they or won't they?" The show comes up with ways to keep them apart and we become as bummed as they do because they're two characters that deserve to be together. Take that, Jim and Pam!
And then there's Steve Carell, who along with Greg Daniels is credited as show co-creator. Carell is great here and gives us a fantastic portrayal miles from the needy Michael Scott from The Office. His 4-star general Mike Naird is a by the books military guy who isn't so much incompetent as just someone who can't seem to make a correct decision to save his life. His folly always comes down to choosing military protocol over hard facts and science. Most of the show is of course a work place comedy but the show wisely fills out Carell's character by giving him a teenage daughter he's constantly at odds with and an absent wife he still sweetly pines for. Carell remains at the top of his game here and can make me laugh by just silently eating a moon pie while frustrated; he's a joy as always.
Always at odds with the terrible instructions he's given from above, Carell and Malkovich frequently argue about how to best handle things. In the last episode, an argument they have defines both these characters. Malkovich screams at Carell and says if he had any integrity, he'd quit. Carell responds with "The person in line behind me will be even worse. I know I'm not perfect but I know I'm not the worst." And that's Carell's character here in a nutshell. A flawed human well aware of his limitations but always, always struggling to do the right thing. It's just an all around fantastic character that I can't praise highly enough, especially in a sitcom based on one of the stupidest ideas in human history.
There's really no realism here but that becomes part of its appeal, its more of a fairy tale or a fable than a hard-hitting slice of realism that The Office was. Despite none of the characters feeling realistic, there are tons of small nice moments between unexpected friends and allies.
The show treads a mostly successful line between political humor while still being accessible to non-Washington insiders. There's in-jokes and references to current political players here if you want them. Those in the know will recognize analogues to Nancy Pelosi, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos but the show doesn't rely on this knowledge to enjoy it. Besides, there's plenty of subtle stabs at broader pop culture milestones such as jokes about Bruce Banner and Wakanda and anti-abortion protesters dressed as the oppressed breeders from "A Handmaid's Tale." In effect, the show gets away with having it's cake and eating it, too.
Trump is never outwardly named but his poor leadership is never far from the conflicts presented in each episode. Obvious jokes about him abound, though and two jokes about the president rage tweeting feels like two too many, at this point.
At the end of the day, this is a fine first season effort that hopefully will be given room to grow and expand into funnier and more interesting directions. So many ultimately great sitcoms needed time to mature into the classics we now consider them to be. "Parks and Recreation" had a terrible first season before it regrouped and pivoted into a completely different direction. Even "The Office" needed time to stop aping its original inspiration to grow into its own unique groove. The first half of "Space Force's" first season is better than both of those sitcom starts and that bodes well for its future. Let's just hope Netflix sticks with it and give it the room and time to become the 4-star success it could be.
 |
| Tawny Newsome steals another scene... |
And then there's Steve Carell, who along with Greg Daniels is credited as show co-creator. Carell is great here and gives us a fantastic portrayal miles from the needy Michael Scott from The Office. His 4-star general Mike Naird is a by the books military guy who isn't so much incompetent as just someone who can't seem to make a correct decision to save his life. His folly always comes down to choosing military protocol over hard facts and science. Most of the show is of course a work place comedy but the show wisely fills out Carell's character by giving him a teenage daughter he's constantly at odds with and an absent wife he still sweetly pines for. Carell remains at the top of his game here and can make me laugh by just silently eating a moon pie while frustrated; he's a joy as always.
Always at odds with the terrible instructions he's given from above, Carell and Malkovich frequently argue about how to best handle things. In the last episode, an argument they have defines both these characters. Malkovich screams at Carell and says if he had any integrity, he'd quit. Carell responds with "The person in line behind me will be even worse. I know I'm not perfect but I know I'm not the worst." And that's Carell's character here in a nutshell. A flawed human well aware of his limitations but always, always struggling to do the right thing. It's just an all around fantastic character that I can't praise highly enough, especially in a sitcom based on one of the stupidest ideas in human history.
There's really no realism here but that becomes part of its appeal, its more of a fairy tale or a fable than a hard-hitting slice of realism that The Office was. Despite none of the characters feeling realistic, there are tons of small nice moments between unexpected friends and allies.
The show treads a mostly successful line between political humor while still being accessible to non-Washington insiders. There's in-jokes and references to current political players here if you want them. Those in the know will recognize analogues to Nancy Pelosi, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos but the show doesn't rely on this knowledge to enjoy it. Besides, there's plenty of subtle stabs at broader pop culture milestones such as jokes about Bruce Banner and Wakanda and anti-abortion protesters dressed as the oppressed breeders from "A Handmaid's Tale." In effect, the show gets away with having it's cake and eating it, too.
Trump is never outwardly named but his poor leadership is never far from the conflicts presented in each episode. Obvious jokes about him abound, though and two jokes about the president rage tweeting feels like two too many, at this point.
At the end of the day, this is a fine first season effort that hopefully will be given room to grow and expand into funnier and more interesting directions. So many ultimately great sitcoms needed time to mature into the classics we now consider them to be. "Parks and Recreation" had a terrible first season before it regrouped and pivoted into a completely different direction. Even "The Office" needed time to stop aping its original inspiration to grow into its own unique groove. The first half of "Space Force's" first season is better than both of those sitcom starts and that bodes well for its future. Let's just hope Netflix sticks with it and give it the room and time to become the 4-star success it could be.
Thursday, May 28, 2020
Pixel Slate, post 1
The Pixel Slate, arrived and charging.
It's unfortunate that I didn't get this complete system at once so I could review the system as a whole but as I've already mentioned, my order has been broken down into three different shipments, due to arrive on three different days. Best Buy gets an A on price and a D on logistics. Honestly, the only way their shipping could have been worse is if something arrives broken or not at all.
As of tonight, the Google Pen is due to arrive next Monday. And although Best Buy swears that the keyboard has shipped, the only progress so far listed on its UPS tracking page is "label created."
Get your shit together, Best Buy.
It's unfortunate that I didn't get this complete system at once so I could review the system as a whole but as I've already mentioned, my order has been broken down into three different shipments, due to arrive on three different days. Best Buy gets an A on price and a D on logistics. Honestly, the only way their shipping could have been worse is if something arrives broken or not at all.
As of tonight, the Google Pen is due to arrive next Monday. And although Best Buy swears that the keyboard has shipped, the only progress so far listed on its UPS tracking page is "label created."
Get your shit together, Best Buy.
Cleaning Ships and Taking Names
Just doing some day-off cleaning. I promise you, when I next buy some new shelving to display my models, it will be enclosed and dust-free. Because this dusting off of each and every model is for the birds...
Still, I love these models. Haven't thought about them much during the past difficult half year but now that I am, I need to take a look at what I still need and try to knock off the last 40.
We're going to need a bigger house...
Why is Ray Tracing Important in Video Games?
Video #1: Reflections Real-Time Ray Tracing Demo (from Unreal Engine YouTube channel)
(more coverage coming soon...)
Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Tablets, Old and New
It's been a while since I bought a new tablet. That's kind of unusual for me because I usually love tablets but seeing as we're currently living through a world-spanning crises, one can probably be forgiven for not keeping up with the latest tech. There was also that uncomfortable period last winter where I was out of work and couldn't afford fucking food but aside from those hiccups, it has been a while since I held a new piece of tech in hand.
The last tablet I bought was a Chuwi brand Windows/ Android combo back at the end of 2018. It actually wasn't a bad product but I didn't do as much research as I should have before buying it and the processor proved a little too under-powered for my needs. I didn't give the thing it's fair shake and it spent most of its time in a closet before I sold it off in one of my very few Ebay transactions. Adieu, my sweet Chuwi, I hardly knew ya.
I haven't been using my beloved 10-inch Kindle for the past six months because I haven't been able to find the damn thing. I have a strong suspicion I know exactly where it is but because that location is in enemy territory at an unfriendly's, I think I'll just have to write it off. A shame because I've loved the entire Kindle line, that model especially.
In fact, it's my 8-inch Kindle from about three generations ago that I've been using to read during this quarantine and for my simple needs, it's been a champ during this crises. Despite missing that faster, better 10-inch, I believe an 8-inch is that perfect sweet spot for all of our most basic tasks - reading, browsing, shopping on Amazon. Despite being over 3 years old, it runs anything from the Google Play store just fine. And that's the entire Kindle line in a nutshell, isn't it: they just work. So pick yourself up one or three while you're thinking of it; you can never have too many.
 |
| Google Pixel Slate, currently $499 at Best Buy. |
. Keyboard, case, stylus. Yep, without thinking I ever, ever needed one in my life, I got a Chromebook system coming and actually can't wait to dig in and explore that ecosystem for the first time in my life. Chrome OS shouldn't be too hard to figure out, right? It's basically just the Chrome browser.
 |
| The Slate w/ $99 pen. |
"label created"
I'll be delighted to see that batch of stuff arrive unscathed before June. If my first batch of goods survive that, I promise something even more exciting for next week.
This is Rich, last survivor of the starship Nostromo, signing off...
 |
| The Slate w/ $199 keyboard. |
Google Pixel Slate 12.3" Tablet, Midnight Blue Best Buy sale link
Google - Pixelbook Pen - Midnight Blue Best Buy
Google - Keyboard for Pixel Slate - Midnight Blue Best Buy
Delivery expected: before end of
Sunday, May 24, 2020
Book Review: "Dumpty," a book of 33 poems by John Lithgow
Never have I been so excited by an upcoming book and then so disappointed with the finished product. But before I get to that sad reveal, let me just say that John Lithgow is my newest favorite human.
When I first heard actor John Lithgow speak on the New York Times Book Review podcast a few weeks ago, it was a revelation. I have always known about him, of course. Here was an actor that has seemingly never stopped working during the past 50 years, almost literally. His first role was in a little-known 1972 film written, by all people Michael Crichton, called "Dealing: Or the Berkeley-to-Boston Forty-Brick Lost-Bag Blues". He was never someone I followed fervently but was always happy to see pop up, improving almost anything he was involved in. Of course my most vivid memory of him was in his Oscar-nominated role as Roberta Muldoon in the screen adaptation of John Irving's "The World According to Garp" but I also have an almost equally strong recollection of him (in his second Oscar-nominated role) as nice guy adulterer Sam Burns in the critically acclaimed "Terms of Endearment." Despite his wide array at playing baddies, its those decent Muldoon and Burns roles that come through in Lithgow's real life persona. Polite and considerate, Lithgow is always thanking interviewers and Internet commenters for their compliments and exhibits such an self-depreciating sense of humor that it's impossible to not like the guy. With a constant patter of lines like "As an illustrator, I'm a very good actor," its impossible not to lean favorably towards the guy. I mean, he just seems so decent and humble.
Lithgow has worked so frequently and been in so many films and plays throughout my life that I can speak forever on his career but it's his book of poems (!) I've actually come here today to discuss. Entitled "Dumpty" and released October 22, 2019, it is this collection of 33 pieces that has me so conflicted and ultimately, disappointed.
Back to that revelatory NY Times podcast. Listening to Lithgow speak to interviewer Pamela Paul, I was immediately struck by what an excellent speaker Lithgow was. His delivery was so clear and articulate. His pauses between phrases and his emphasis on certain words would drive home his meanings forcefully or change sentence nuance entirely. He was a master orator at the highest level and completely in command of his intended message at every moment of the interview. That he made such an impression on me in such a casual podcast was extraordinary to me. "Imagine," I thought, "what this guy could do with Shakespeare on stage!"
The book he was promoting on this podcast was "Dumpty: The Age of Trump in Verse." Lithgow and Paul both refer to it as a book of poems but honestly, the pieces in here more closely resemble limericks. A limerick is defined as "a humorous rhyming poem... that often contains a bawdy story or joke."
Pedantics aside, the writing in "Dumpty" is brilliant. Smart, clever, funny, so knowledgeable about each subject, Lithgow is spot on at everyone he targets. Betsy DeVos, William Barr, Rudy Giuliani and dozens more are the subjects here with an honesty and a clear-eyed look at our present society that sums up what living through the past few years has been like. Often laugh-out-loud funny but with an underlying anger, bewilderment and clear eyed-intelligence that elevates this volume from the hundreds of Trump joke books that have already released and fallen from the public eye.
Adding to the multitude of riches here are Lithgow's own illustrations; he's added one for almost every limerick here. Not all of them are brilliant but these drawings add yet another layer of "Lithgow-ness" and make this volume an even more personal and endearing effort, adding to the work as a whole, springing entirely from one single man's creativity and mind-space. It all adds up to just about as much great content as can be crammed into a slim 110 pages.
As good as the writing is, though, it's Lithgow's presentation, his delivery, his goddamned showmanship that sticks the landing in all of his online and public readings and had me looking forward to the audiobook of this title beyond all expectation. The audiobook should have been the slam dunk.
I couldn't wait to get my hands on the final released product...
... only to find out that the books publisher, Chronicle Prism felt it necessary to add sound effects to the Lithgow-read audiobook. Not just subtle effects every now and then but clown car, lowest common denominator, full blown "BOING!" effects throughout every single poem. Stupid, immature sound effects interrupt Lithgow's reading at almost every turn. Screams and fart noises are the norm here, interrupting the author's carefully constructed sentence structure and narrative buildup. In this sharp, political satire, you're going to hear trumpets and cash registers, burps and high-pitched chipmunk singing. I've started and stopped the audiobook over and over. I keep trying to convince myself it can't be as bad as I remember, start it up again and then shut it down again almost immediately.
Your mileage may vary. Check out Amazon and see if their site will let you listen to a sample of the reading. If you come to feeling the same as I, there's always the printed and eBook versions.
Update: "Dumpty's" follow up is called "Trumpty Dumpty Wanted A Crown: Verses for a Despotic Age" and is expected to be released October 6th 2020 by Chronicle Prism press, just in time for the all-important upcoming election. Hopefully with less sound effects.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Links:
That NY Times Book Review podcast with Lithgow here (Oct. 25, 2019)
John Lithgow reads some of his poems in a Stephen Colbert interview here. In this interview, Lithgow reveals a follow up to "Dumpty," another collection of limericks about surviving the Trump years called "Trumpty Dumpty Wanted A Crown: Verses for a Despotic Age" and actually reads the title poem from the new book! He also reads something from the first, "Rabid Rudy."
"Dumpty's" GoodReads page here. Its sequel page here.
John Lithgow interviewed by author Jeffrey Toobin on the "Dumpty" press tour here (Oct. 2019)
Thursday, May 14, 2020
Star Wars Armada & Star Wars X-Wing
These are expansion ships to the tabletop miniatures games Star Wars Armada and Star Wars X-Wing. For now, I'll just dump these here and maybe at a later time, I'll try to clean this post up, add captions and better quality pictures, etc.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Fiction: Video Games
(phone conversation in progress...)
Jamie: Is the new Madden out yet?
David: No. But I got this new video game. You can go into strip clubs and get a lapdance and the joystick vibrates and then I think you can kill the strippers and rob them.
(long uncomfortable moment of silence...)
Jamie: And you're okay with all that?
David: No.
Jamie: ...
David: I'm not.
Jamie: ...
(long moment of silence...)
David: Do you want to come over tonight?
Jamie: No. Can I speak to my sister, please?
Jane: Yello.
Jamie: That's some prize you got there.
Jane: He's actually been much better lately.
Jamie: Better than what?
TBC 9/22/2010...
Jamie: Is the new Madden out yet?
David: No. But I got this new video game. You can go into strip clubs and get a lapdance and the joystick vibrates and then I think you can kill the strippers and rob them.
(long uncomfortable moment of silence...)
Jamie: And you're okay with all that?
David: No.
Jamie: ...
David: I'm not.
Jamie: ...
(long moment of silence...)
David: Do you want to come over tonight?
Jamie: No. Can I speak to my sister, please?
Jane: Yello.
Jamie: That's some prize you got there.
Jane: He's actually been much better lately.
Jamie: Better than what?
TBC 9/22/2010...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Fiction: Scenes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fiction: Scenes
Originally written 8/09 - 1/10
Re-edited, reorganized, rearranged, regurgitated 4/10
"And there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space."
~~Don McLean
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Scene 1: Email (written 8/1/09)
(Interior – Bedroom. Mark reads in bed. Jamie works at a laptop at a desk nearby.)
Jamie: Remember when spam was nothing worse than that weekly email from your aunt?
Mark: My grandmother still sends her emails to the wrong person. Every. Single. Time.
Jamie: And this email from the faux Maiduguri prince.
Mark: Why ‘faux?’
Jamie: He misspells ‘Maiduguri’ but seems to know an awful lot about how PayPal works.
Mark (absently): Right.
Jamie: …and this email from Kathy.
Mark: (puts book down, looks up questioningly)
Jamie: (explaining) She was the one I thought was THE ONE and almost moved to Canada with. But we couldn’t stop fighting about absolutely nothing until she finally broke up with me through Fed Ex.
Mark: (long silence) The Tori Amos fan?
Jamie: Right!
Mark: What does she say?
Jamie: She says she still hates me and the only reason she doesn’t wish me dead is that she wants to kill me herself.
(Mark just stares at Jamie…)
Jamie: …and if I admit that I was a douche to her, she will talk to me again.
Mark: Were you a douche?
Jamie: (long silence) Probably.
Mark (nonplussed): Well, there you go.
Mark turns out light and rolls over, leaving Jamie illuminated only by the computer screen
Jamie: There were some smileys in there, too.
=========================
Scene 2: Pep Talk (written 8/28/09)
(Interior – Bedroom.)
Mark: (dressing for work) What are we doing for lunch today?
Jamie (still in bed): It's 7am, Mark. Am I still not in bed here??
Mark: I need pleasant thoughts to get me through the day.
Jamie: I'm unemployed, it's August, we're in Jersey City and it's 100 degrees out there. Fuck your pleasant thoughts. I'm not ever getting out of this bed.
Mark: Life is...
Jamie: (stares)
Mark: Umm...
Jamie: (stares) Yes…?
Mark: Life is like exercise. If you're not sweating, you're probably not accomplishing anything.
Jamie: Coming from someone who has spent every summer of his life in New England, that means absolutely nothing to me.
=====================
Scene 3: Summer Films (written 9/09)
(Jamie and Mark walking out of a theater...)
Jamie: That screening of Julie & Julia had more Cougars in it than that stupid animal show you watch.
Mark: Was it worse than (500) Days?
Jamie: The people in (500) Days were harmless. Was just five older couples and one old Asian man obviously confused by the number and parentheses in the title.
Mark: He thought it was about math.
Jamie: Yeah.
Mark: What about Transformers 2?
Jamie: I didn’t see that. I wouldn’t go near those fucking freaks with a ten-foot pole.
=======================
Scene 4: The Tween in the Drug Store (written 12/03/09)
Standing in line at the drug store, waiting to pay. The tween in front of me approaches the cashier carrying two items and starts a conversation. The Tween is skinny, has blue and red hair and bops to her iPod while talking to the clerk.
“This, I will pay for,” the tween holds a cheap gaudy plastic bracelet between two skinny fingers and places this on the counter between her and the cashier.
“And this, I’m going to steal.” The tween shows the cashier some feminine-looking boxed item - a hefty bottle of perfume from the looks of it - and then slides it into her front hoodie pocket. The pilfered box weighs down the front of her sweatshirt and looks very conspicuous. The tween stares back at the cashier with one raised eyebrow, as if to say "Your move.”
The cashier stares hard at the tween for 15 seconds and finally comes to some kind of decision. She nods once at the tween and charges her for only the bracelet: $1.69. The tween pays and then walks through the security gate at the exit without setting it off, yelling “Thank you,” over her shoulder and giving a curt wave. At no time during this entire procedure did the tween show anything resembling fear.
I’m in front of the cashier now but we both still stare at the exit, at the place we last saw the tween. Finally I ask the cashier, “Who WAS that?”
The cashier sighs and returns her attention to me. “I have no idea.”
"But you admire her?" I ask, although I say that as more of a factual statement than a question.
"God, yes." The cashier looks down at the armful of items I’ve lugged to her counter, almost as if she’s waiting for something from me.
Finally, I understand. “Oh, I’ll be paying for everything,” I tell her.
======================
Scene 5: Family Dinner (written 12/26/09)
Mom: I want to see 'The Lovely Bones.' I may have to go see that by myself.
Jane (Jamie's sister): Oh my God, that looks so sad.
Jamie: I want to see that. I'm sure there's no film you could choose that I wouldn't be willing to see with you.
Mom: I want to see 'Sherlock Holmes,' too.
Jamie: Well, I'm not seeing that.
Mom: Brad Pitt said in People this week that he and Angelina will not be getting married until all couples in all 50 states are granted the same right.
Jane: Aw, that’s nice.
Mom: He specifically said “…until George Clooney is allowed to marry his partner.”
Jamie: Ha. Those two joke with each other in the press all the time.
Mom: You don’t think George Clooney is really gay, then?
Jamie: No, he’s not gay.
Mom: But to say something like that in such a popular magazine…
Jamie: Trust me on this, mom. George Clooney is not gay.
Mom: Well, I don't think anyone is good enough for him.
Jane: I wish he would settle down with Jennifer Aniston.
Jamie: I guess someone eventually has to.
Jane: They would make such a nice couple.
Mom: I just started reading the 'Marley & Me' book.
Jane: But isn’t that ending really sad?
Jamie: Sadder than Aniston's real life? It's close...
===========================
Scene 6: You Know How I Know...? (written 8/28/09)
(Jamie’s mom lets Mark into her house and tells him that Jamie is upstairs. With all family members busying themselves elsewhere in the house, Mark finds Jamie alone in the computer room.)
We join the two in mid-conversation…
Mark: Your mom is very nice but do you think…?
Jamie: What?
Mark: …that she thinks…?
Jamie: Why would they think we were gay?
Mark (motions to the cigarettes next to Jamie): Well, for one, you seem to be smoking nothing but Virginia Slims Lights now.
Jamie: You KNOW I got those from my sister.
Mark: ...you’re wearing your mother’s shirt...
Jamie: I'm doing wash.
Mark: ...it's pink...
Jamie (softly): It's lavender, actually.
Mark: ...you had to use your shirt to open that Snapple...
Jamie: C’mon.
Mark: ...you’re sitting in front of a computer playing something called ‘FarmTown.’
Jamie: (stares)
Mark (motions to the music playing): And your playlists…
Jamie: What’s wrong with my iPod lists?!
Mark: Nothing. If you're a teenage Goth lesbian from 1981.
Jamie: Example?
Mark (gives Jamie a look that says “you know better to ask…”): You have three versions of 'Crimson and Clover.'
Jamie: (turns off comp, stands) Let’s go, we’re going to be late for 'Leap Year.'
==========
Scene 7: She's So Analog (written 2/19/09)
"You know, there have been lots of great advances in technology over the past decade."
I say this to a friend as I watch her computer boot up for the first time. I have been eyeballing this piece of shit in the corner of her apartment for a week now and have been dreading having to actually deal with it. But my excuses have run dry and she has cornered me this morning; she wants Microsoft Office and will wait no longer. White characters float up a black background as the hard drive chugs, clucking like an angry chicken. We sit silently for another minute watching the thing try to come to life. I sigh.
"Great technology, you mean like CD's," she asks.
My eyes flash to the front of her tower in a panic and seeing only a floppy drive there, I laugh out loud in spite of myself. I put the DVD's and flash drives I'd brought over back in my bag and throw it aside. Perhaps we can download Open Office.
"Yes, CD-Rom drives were a real breakthrough. In 1996."
She points to the dusty floppy drive on the front of her tower reverently and asks "Can't we use this?" Squinting at the offending drive, I realize there is a disc inside of it and that's what's been preventing Windows from loading. I eject the disc and ask her if there's anymore wine left in the fridge. I continue talking in her direction as she leaves for the kitchen.
"Hon, if you were a caveman who was visiting us from the past, you still wouldn't use it."
She re-enters the room and hands me a cold, half-filled bottle of white wine from the night before and a wine glass. I pop the cork but discard the glass.
"Then why do they even have them," she asks defiantly.
"The Amish love them," I deadpan, "because it reminds them why they hate us."
Windows 98 Second Edition finally starts to comes up. I start to voice my fear that Open Office won't even run on this but instead take a swig from the wine bottle. By now, my friend is back beside me and eyes the Win 98 splash screen. "Is that okay to have?"
I tell her "Not really," before taking another sip of wine. A long sip. She continues looking at me wanting more of an explanation.
"Remember that caveman?"
She groans, now tired of all this, and pleads for my help in creating a Word doc. I show her the Google Docs web site.
"So how do we fix all this," she finally asks, making one last stand as I finish off the wine.
"Use your iPhone."
================
Scene 8: Hardware/Software (written 2/13/10)
(Interior - Jane and David's apartment. David fumbles at a desktop computer.)
David: Jane, I need you!
Jane enters their computer room, holding a cup of coffee.
David: I have no sound here. Do you think we should return it?
Jane: (thinks for a second) Are the speakers plugged in to the right port?
David: Yes.
Jane: Are they turned on?
David: Yes.
Jane: Is the volume up?
David: (frustrated) YES. I checked all that stupid-guy stuff already and I’m certain it’s some kind of software problem.
(Without moving a muscle, Jane considers David and then the entire system from where she stands. Finally, she leans over him, brings up VOLUME CONTROL, unchecks MUTE and then silently leaves the room.)
David brings up a sound box and hits PLAY a few times and gets sound. DING. DING. DING.
David: (over his shoulder at the departing Jane) Thank you!
David goes back to work on the computer, still flustered.
David: (making a face, to himself in a soft, mocking voice) Ooo, I’m just a stupid hardware guy…
===========
Scene 9: Fashion
Mark (talking to Jamie on cell): I'm killing time at the mall right now, do you need anything?
Jamie (on cell): Ummm, anything black.
Mark: ...
Jamie: An overcoat that flaps in the wind.
Mark: ...
Jamie: Something with a deep hood.
Mark: ...
Jamie: Skin-tight leather gloves and a long scarf.
Mark: ...
Jamie: Basically, anything good enough for Batman or Amelia Earhart is good enough for me.
Mark: Black is not a color, Jamie. It is the ABSENCE of color. And if you keep wearing this stuff, you will then be dealing with the absence of me.
Jamie: ...
Mark: And that shirt and slacks you wore last night? They were two different shades of black. Which means you failed at being both a Goth poseur and a ninja.
===============
Scene 10: Blogs
Jamie (fumbling at a desktop): Where is that security program?
Mark: If you really don't want anyone to read what you write, you should use 512k bit encryption. Or just post it on your blog.
(awkward silence)
Jamie: My writing is fine.
Mark: The thing with your writing is that no one ever gets it.
Jamie: ...
Mark (trying to explain): It's too esoteric, too specialized; you never gives anyone any ins.
Jamie: ...
Mark (softening): It's like James Joyce explaining the Da Vinci Code. Seven fucking email paragraphs from you and I still didn't know if you wanted to meet for pizza or not.
Jamie: ...
Mark (backpedaling, trying to joke now): Our friends keep asking me what's wrong with you because all anyone understands in them are the emoticons.
(long silence)
Jamie (clears throat): I'm actually very comfortable with no one reading my blog. It's symbiotic; they don't feel bad for not acknowledging me and I don't feel bad for not posting anything.
Mark (summing up): I think they don't read you for the same reason they don't read 'Ulysses.' It's just too many words.
Jamie: That's two James Joyce comparisons...
Mark: But neither was a compliment.
======================
Scene 11: Break-Up at HP (scene written 8/14/09)
(Living room. Seated on separate couches, Mark works on his laptop while Jamie surfs on his.)
Jamie: Stranding me on Twitter with no one to talk to is about as mean as leaving me behind at a sewing store.
Mark: But with many less points…
Jamie: …but many more senseless pricks. Do you think Google Buzz will be the death of Twitter?
Mark: I think Twitter is already the death of Twitter. But I love how you talk to the celebs on there like they’re real people. That’s cute:)
Jamie (now looking on Facebook): Dave hasn't found a job yet?!
Mark: Well, he's not really looking. He said he's not getting one until he hits level 80 in WoW.
(silence as they both consider this)
Jamie: Yeah, well, Dave is a moron.
(pause, Jamie surfs some more profiles...)
Jamie (chuckles): The Facebook relationship announcement seems to have now replaced the joint HIV test and the sharing of one’s ‘Gilmore Girls’ DVDs as our society’s premiere declaration of serious romantic intent.
Jamie: (gasps at screen) Wow, when did Andy and Steph break up?
Mark: Last month. Right after he got her into an advance screening of Harry Potter, she told him in the parking lot.
Jamie: Severusly?
Mark: Jamie, this isn't funny…
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) Oh, I think it's very funny...
Mark: They were together a long time...
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) ...cause she cheated on him like five times…
Mark: They both really tried …
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) ...twice in his own effing house…
Mark: And now it's time that they both just move on.
Jamie: ...and now SHE breaks up with HIM?!
(beat, silence)
Mark: Look, just say it.
Jamie: What?
Mark: I know what you’re gonna say so just say it now and get it over with.
Jamie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Mark: Just. Say. It.
Jamie: (shakes head innocently)
(Mark returns to his work, long silence)
Jamie: She’s a Horcrux.
Mark: You are such a douchebag.
==========
Scene 12: WoW Fight (scene written 8/22/09)
(While exiting the theater into the mall, Jamie checks his cell phone and him and Mark both drift towards Starbucks...)
Mark: So, 'Avatar' …
Jamie: Hmm…
Mark: (smiling) Sort of vindicates all that 'FernGully' fanfic I used to write.
Jamie: (laughs easily) One day, a film will use 3D and perfect CGI in ways that will actually enhance the narrative experience and not feel like a tacked-on gimmick. And I still won't see it...
Mark: Do you think we should have told the manager on that guy behind us who kept saying he wanted to “...smash that Saldana alien?”
(Both arrive at Starbucks and take their place in line)
Jamie: (shows Mark his cell phone) Look at all this money I have in "FarmTown."
Mark: (shakes head) You know that’s not real, right?
Jamie: (still studying cell phone) Wish people would stop sending me banana trees. They’re making my farm look like Vietnam.
Mark: You know, you were a little easier to take when you were just playing WoW.
Jamie: (grimaces good-naturedly)
Mark: The Lich King expansion changed the whole game. You should come back.
(Finally, they arrive at front of line and Jamie puts cell phone away)
Jamie: (to Starbucks cashier) Two cappuccinos, please.
Jamie: (to Mark) Do they let you buy houses yet?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I have your blue armor?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I have your mount?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I go on raids with you?
Mark: (hesitates) No.
Jamie: (stares at Mark)
(Uncomfortable silence. Jamie leans into Mark, begins to straighten his tie and resumes speaking evenly but slightly softer)
Jamie: Well, maybe you should go to the party tonight with the Lich King…
(Jamie pulls Mark’s tie tight)
Jamie: (raises chin and whispers into Mark’s ear) …and then afterward, you two can fuck yourselves.
(Jamie leaves. Mark turns to watch him leave then turns back to the just-returned Starbucks girl)
Starbucks Girl: (places two cups on counter in front of Mark) Two cappuccinos. $9.75 please.
(Mark stares at drinks)
Starbucks Girl: You could have let him have the armor but now you're gonna have to give him the mount.
(Mark stares at Starbucks Girl)
=======================
Scene 13: Coda
(Mark and Jamie walk down a city street. Knapsacks over shoulders, Jamie folds up a newspaper and sticks it under his arm)
Jamie (holds up newsprint-covered hands) : Look at this. 2010 and you still can't read one without ending up looking like a mechanic.
Mark: There is a solution to that. It's called the iPad.
(a beat)
Mark: So how are you?
Jamie (answers too quickly): I'm fine.
Mark: No, really.
Jamie: On a scale of ONE to TEN?
Mark: Yeah.
Jamie: Where would mediocre be on that?
Mark: I don't know... FIVE?
Jamie: Wait, what would ONE be...?
Mark: ONE would be... unhappy?
Jamie: No, ONE is miserable...
Mark: Miserable?
Jamie: No, wait. ONE is suicidal and TWO is miserable.
Mark: Jesus Christ, Jamie.
Jamie (on a roll now): THREE is despairing...
Mark: ...
Jamie: Then depressed...
Mark: ...
Jamie: And somewhere in there, you'd have to fit disheartened, dejected, downhearted...
Mark: ...
Jamie: ...dispirited, discouraged, despondent, disconsolate...
Mark: Anything else?
Jamie: Discontent.
(they stop)
Mark: We've walked three blocks past our stop.
Jamie (points south): No, I'm going that way.
(An awkward moment)
Mark: So, you're...?
Jamie: Yeah, I'm fine.
Mark (momentarily nostalgic): Remember we had that thing with "How are you?" We knew that no one ever wants an honest answer to that question but if we asked it a second time, you had to tell the truth?
Jamie (smiles wistfully): Yeah. (taps Mark lightly on the shoulder with his newspaper) Take care.
(They continue on their separate ways)
=============
END
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Fiction: Scenes
Originally written 8/09 - 1/10
Re-edited, reorganized, rearranged, regurgitated 4/10
"And there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space."
~~Don McLean
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Scene 1: Email (written 8/1/09)
(Interior – Bedroom. Mark reads in bed. Jamie works at a laptop at a desk nearby.)
Jamie: Remember when spam was nothing worse than that weekly email from your aunt?
Mark: My grandmother still sends her emails to the wrong person. Every. Single. Time.
Jamie: And this email from the faux Maiduguri prince.
Mark: Why ‘faux?’
Jamie: He misspells ‘Maiduguri’ but seems to know an awful lot about how PayPal works.
Mark (absently): Right.
Jamie: …and this email from Kathy.
Mark: (puts book down, looks up questioningly)
Jamie: (explaining) She was the one I thought was THE ONE and almost moved to Canada with. But we couldn’t stop fighting about absolutely nothing until she finally broke up with me through Fed Ex.
Mark: (long silence) The Tori Amos fan?
Jamie: Right!
Mark: What does she say?
Jamie: She says she still hates me and the only reason she doesn’t wish me dead is that she wants to kill me herself.
(Mark just stares at Jamie…)
Jamie: …and if I admit that I was a douche to her, she will talk to me again.
Mark: Were you a douche?
Jamie: (long silence) Probably.
Mark (nonplussed): Well, there you go.
Mark turns out light and rolls over, leaving Jamie illuminated only by the computer screen
Jamie: There were some smileys in there, too.
=========================
Scene 2: Pep Talk (written 8/28/09)
(Interior – Bedroom.)
Mark: (dressing for work) What are we doing for lunch today?
Jamie (still in bed): It's 7am, Mark. Am I still not in bed here??
Mark: I need pleasant thoughts to get me through the day.
Jamie: I'm unemployed, it's August, we're in Jersey City and it's 100 degrees out there. Fuck your pleasant thoughts. I'm not ever getting out of this bed.
Mark: Life is...
Jamie: (stares)
Mark: Umm...
Jamie: (stares) Yes…?
Mark: Life is like exercise. If you're not sweating, you're probably not accomplishing anything.
Jamie: Coming from someone who has spent every summer of his life in New England, that means absolutely nothing to me.
=====================
Scene 3: Summer Films (written 9/09)
(Jamie and Mark walking out of a theater...)
Jamie: That screening of Julie & Julia had more Cougars in it than that stupid animal show you watch.
Mark: Was it worse than (500) Days?
Jamie: The people in (500) Days were harmless. Was just five older couples and one old Asian man obviously confused by the number and parentheses in the title.
Mark: He thought it was about math.
Jamie: Yeah.
Mark: What about Transformers 2?
Jamie: I didn’t see that. I wouldn’t go near those fucking freaks with a ten-foot pole.
=======================
Scene 4: The Tween in the Drug Store (written 12/03/09)
Standing in line at the drug store, waiting to pay. The tween in front of me approaches the cashier carrying two items and starts a conversation. The Tween is skinny, has blue and red hair and bops to her iPod while talking to the clerk.
“This, I will pay for,” the tween holds a cheap gaudy plastic bracelet between two skinny fingers and places this on the counter between her and the cashier.
“And this, I’m going to steal.” The tween shows the cashier some feminine-looking boxed item - a hefty bottle of perfume from the looks of it - and then slides it into her front hoodie pocket. The pilfered box weighs down the front of her sweatshirt and looks very conspicuous. The tween stares back at the cashier with one raised eyebrow, as if to say "Your move.”
The cashier stares hard at the tween for 15 seconds and finally comes to some kind of decision. She nods once at the tween and charges her for only the bracelet: $1.69. The tween pays and then walks through the security gate at the exit without setting it off, yelling “Thank you,” over her shoulder and giving a curt wave. At no time during this entire procedure did the tween show anything resembling fear.
I’m in front of the cashier now but we both still stare at the exit, at the place we last saw the tween. Finally I ask the cashier, “Who WAS that?”
The cashier sighs and returns her attention to me. “I have no idea.”
"But you admire her?" I ask, although I say that as more of a factual statement than a question.
"God, yes." The cashier looks down at the armful of items I’ve lugged to her counter, almost as if she’s waiting for something from me.
Finally, I understand. “Oh, I’ll be paying for everything,” I tell her.
======================
Scene 5: Family Dinner (written 12/26/09)
Mom: I want to see 'The Lovely Bones.' I may have to go see that by myself.
Jane (Jamie's sister): Oh my God, that looks so sad.
Jamie: I want to see that. I'm sure there's no film you could choose that I wouldn't be willing to see with you.
Mom: I want to see 'Sherlock Holmes,' too.
Jamie: Well, I'm not seeing that.
Mom: Brad Pitt said in People this week that he and Angelina will not be getting married until all couples in all 50 states are granted the same right.
Jane: Aw, that’s nice.
Mom: He specifically said “…until George Clooney is allowed to marry his partner.”
Jamie: Ha. Those two joke with each other in the press all the time.
Mom: You don’t think George Clooney is really gay, then?
Jamie: No, he’s not gay.
Mom: But to say something like that in such a popular magazine…
Jamie: Trust me on this, mom. George Clooney is not gay.
Mom: Well, I don't think anyone is good enough for him.
Jane: I wish he would settle down with Jennifer Aniston.
Jamie: I guess someone eventually has to.
Jane: They would make such a nice couple.
Mom: I just started reading the 'Marley & Me' book.
Jane: But isn’t that ending really sad?
Jamie: Sadder than Aniston's real life? It's close...
===========================
Scene 6: You Know How I Know...? (written 8/28/09)
(Jamie’s mom lets Mark into her house and tells him that Jamie is upstairs. With all family members busying themselves elsewhere in the house, Mark finds Jamie alone in the computer room.)
We join the two in mid-conversation…
Mark: Your mom is very nice but do you think…?
Jamie: What?
Mark: …that she thinks…?
Jamie: Why would they think we were gay?
Mark (motions to the cigarettes next to Jamie): Well, for one, you seem to be smoking nothing but Virginia Slims Lights now.
Jamie: You KNOW I got those from my sister.
Mark: ...you’re wearing your mother’s shirt...
Jamie: I'm doing wash.
Mark: ...it's pink...
Jamie (softly): It's lavender, actually.
Mark: ...you had to use your shirt to open that Snapple...
Jamie: C’mon.
Mark: ...you’re sitting in front of a computer playing something called ‘FarmTown.’
Jamie: (stares)
Mark (motions to the music playing): And your playlists…
Jamie: What’s wrong with my iPod lists?!
Mark: Nothing. If you're a teenage Goth lesbian from 1981.
Jamie: Example?
Mark (gives Jamie a look that says “you know better to ask…”): You have three versions of 'Crimson and Clover.'
Jamie: (turns off comp, stands) Let’s go, we’re going to be late for 'Leap Year.'
==========
Scene 7: She's So Analog (written 2/19/09)
"You know, there have been lots of great advances in technology over the past decade."
I say this to a friend as I watch her computer boot up for the first time. I have been eyeballing this piece of shit in the corner of her apartment for a week now and have been dreading having to actually deal with it. But my excuses have run dry and she has cornered me this morning; she wants Microsoft Office and will wait no longer. White characters float up a black background as the hard drive chugs, clucking like an angry chicken. We sit silently for another minute watching the thing try to come to life. I sigh.
"Great technology, you mean like CD's," she asks.
My eyes flash to the front of her tower in a panic and seeing only a floppy drive there, I laugh out loud in spite of myself. I put the DVD's and flash drives I'd brought over back in my bag and throw it aside. Perhaps we can download Open Office.
"Yes, CD-Rom drives were a real breakthrough. In 1996."
She points to the dusty floppy drive on the front of her tower reverently and asks "Can't we use this?" Squinting at the offending drive, I realize there is a disc inside of it and that's what's been preventing Windows from loading. I eject the disc and ask her if there's anymore wine left in the fridge. I continue talking in her direction as she leaves for the kitchen.
"Hon, if you were a caveman who was visiting us from the past, you still wouldn't use it."
She re-enters the room and hands me a cold, half-filled bottle of white wine from the night before and a wine glass. I pop the cork but discard the glass.
"Then why do they even have them," she asks defiantly.
"The Amish love them," I deadpan, "because it reminds them why they hate us."
Windows 98 Second Edition finally starts to comes up. I start to voice my fear that Open Office won't even run on this but instead take a swig from the wine bottle. By now, my friend is back beside me and eyes the Win 98 splash screen. "Is that okay to have?"
I tell her "Not really," before taking another sip of wine. A long sip. She continues looking at me wanting more of an explanation.
"Remember that caveman?"
She groans, now tired of all this, and pleads for my help in creating a Word doc. I show her the Google Docs web site.
"So how do we fix all this," she finally asks, making one last stand as I finish off the wine.
"Use your iPhone."
================
Scene 8: Hardware/Software (written 2/13/10)
(Interior - Jane and David's apartment. David fumbles at a desktop computer.)
David: Jane, I need you!
Jane enters their computer room, holding a cup of coffee.
David: I have no sound here. Do you think we should return it?
Jane: (thinks for a second) Are the speakers plugged in to the right port?
David: Yes.
Jane: Are they turned on?
David: Yes.
Jane: Is the volume up?
David: (frustrated) YES. I checked all that stupid-guy stuff already and I’m certain it’s some kind of software problem.
(Without moving a muscle, Jane considers David and then the entire system from where she stands. Finally, she leans over him, brings up VOLUME CONTROL, unchecks MUTE and then silently leaves the room.)
David brings up a sound box and hits PLAY a few times and gets sound. DING. DING. DING.
David: (over his shoulder at the departing Jane) Thank you!
David goes back to work on the computer, still flustered.
David: (making a face, to himself in a soft, mocking voice) Ooo, I’m just a stupid hardware guy…
===========
Scene 9: Fashion
Mark (talking to Jamie on cell): I'm killing time at the mall right now, do you need anything?
Jamie (on cell): Ummm, anything black.
Mark: ...
Jamie: An overcoat that flaps in the wind.
Mark: ...
Jamie: Something with a deep hood.
Mark: ...
Jamie: Skin-tight leather gloves and a long scarf.
Mark: ...
Jamie: Basically, anything good enough for Batman or Amelia Earhart is good enough for me.
Mark: Black is not a color, Jamie. It is the ABSENCE of color. And if you keep wearing this stuff, you will then be dealing with the absence of me.
Jamie: ...
Mark: And that shirt and slacks you wore last night? They were two different shades of black. Which means you failed at being both a Goth poseur and a ninja.
===============
Scene 10: Blogs
Jamie (fumbling at a desktop): Where is that security program?
Mark: If you really don't want anyone to read what you write, you should use 512k bit encryption. Or just post it on your blog.
(awkward silence)
Jamie: My writing is fine.
Mark: The thing with your writing is that no one ever gets it.
Jamie: ...
Mark (trying to explain): It's too esoteric, too specialized; you never gives anyone any ins.
Jamie: ...
Mark (softening): It's like James Joyce explaining the Da Vinci Code. Seven fucking email paragraphs from you and I still didn't know if you wanted to meet for pizza or not.
Jamie: ...
Mark (backpedaling, trying to joke now): Our friends keep asking me what's wrong with you because all anyone understands in them are the emoticons.
(long silence)
Jamie (clears throat): I'm actually very comfortable with no one reading my blog. It's symbiotic; they don't feel bad for not acknowledging me and I don't feel bad for not posting anything.
Mark (summing up): I think they don't read you for the same reason they don't read 'Ulysses.' It's just too many words.
Jamie: That's two James Joyce comparisons...
Mark: But neither was a compliment.
======================
Scene 11: Break-Up at HP (scene written 8/14/09)
(Living room. Seated on separate couches, Mark works on his laptop while Jamie surfs on his.)
Jamie: Stranding me on Twitter with no one to talk to is about as mean as leaving me behind at a sewing store.
Mark: But with many less points…
Jamie: …but many more senseless pricks. Do you think Google Buzz will be the death of Twitter?
Mark: I think Twitter is already the death of Twitter. But I love how you talk to the celebs on there like they’re real people. That’s cute:)
Jamie (now looking on Facebook): Dave hasn't found a job yet?!
Mark: Well, he's not really looking. He said he's not getting one until he hits level 80 in WoW.
(silence as they both consider this)
Jamie: Yeah, well, Dave is a moron.
(pause, Jamie surfs some more profiles...)
Jamie (chuckles): The Facebook relationship announcement seems to have now replaced the joint HIV test and the sharing of one’s ‘Gilmore Girls’ DVDs as our society’s premiere declaration of serious romantic intent.
Jamie: (gasps at screen) Wow, when did Andy and Steph break up?
Mark: Last month. Right after he got her into an advance screening of Harry Potter, she told him in the parking lot.
Jamie: Severusly?
Mark: Jamie, this isn't funny…
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) Oh, I think it's very funny...
Mark: They were together a long time...
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) ...cause she cheated on him like five times…
Mark: They both really tried …
Jamie: (interrupts, raising voice) ...twice in his own effing house…
Mark: And now it's time that they both just move on.
Jamie: ...and now SHE breaks up with HIM?!
(beat, silence)
Mark: Look, just say it.
Jamie: What?
Mark: I know what you’re gonna say so just say it now and get it over with.
Jamie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Mark: Just. Say. It.
Jamie: (shakes head innocently)
(Mark returns to his work, long silence)
Jamie: She’s a Horcrux.
Mark: You are such a douchebag.
==========
Scene 12: WoW Fight (scene written 8/22/09)
(While exiting the theater into the mall, Jamie checks his cell phone and him and Mark both drift towards Starbucks...)
Mark: So, 'Avatar' …
Jamie: Hmm…
Mark: (smiling) Sort of vindicates all that 'FernGully' fanfic I used to write.
Jamie: (laughs easily) One day, a film will use 3D and perfect CGI in ways that will actually enhance the narrative experience and not feel like a tacked-on gimmick. And I still won't see it...
Mark: Do you think we should have told the manager on that guy behind us who kept saying he wanted to “...smash that Saldana alien?”
(Both arrive at Starbucks and take their place in line)
Jamie: (shows Mark his cell phone) Look at all this money I have in "FarmTown."
Mark: (shakes head) You know that’s not real, right?
Jamie: (still studying cell phone) Wish people would stop sending me banana trees. They’re making my farm look like Vietnam.
Mark: You know, you were a little easier to take when you were just playing WoW.
Jamie: (grimaces good-naturedly)
Mark: The Lich King expansion changed the whole game. You should come back.
(Finally, they arrive at front of line and Jamie puts cell phone away)
Jamie: (to Starbucks cashier) Two cappuccinos, please.
Jamie: (to Mark) Do they let you buy houses yet?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I have your blue armor?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I have your mount?
Mark: No.
Jamie: Can I go on raids with you?
Mark: (hesitates) No.
Jamie: (stares at Mark)
(Uncomfortable silence. Jamie leans into Mark, begins to straighten his tie and resumes speaking evenly but slightly softer)
Jamie: Well, maybe you should go to the party tonight with the Lich King…
(Jamie pulls Mark’s tie tight)
Jamie: (raises chin and whispers into Mark’s ear) …and then afterward, you two can fuck yourselves.
(Jamie leaves. Mark turns to watch him leave then turns back to the just-returned Starbucks girl)
Starbucks Girl: (places two cups on counter in front of Mark) Two cappuccinos. $9.75 please.
(Mark stares at drinks)
Starbucks Girl: You could have let him have the armor but now you're gonna have to give him the mount.
(Mark stares at Starbucks Girl)
=======================
Scene 13: Coda
(Mark and Jamie walk down a city street. Knapsacks over shoulders, Jamie folds up a newspaper and sticks it under his arm)
Jamie (holds up newsprint-covered hands) : Look at this. 2010 and you still can't read one without ending up looking like a mechanic.
Mark: There is a solution to that. It's called the iPad.
(a beat)
Mark: So how are you?
Jamie (answers too quickly): I'm fine.
Mark: No, really.
Jamie: On a scale of ONE to TEN?
Mark: Yeah.
Jamie: Where would mediocre be on that?
Mark: I don't know... FIVE?
Jamie: Wait, what would ONE be...?
Mark: ONE would be... unhappy?
Jamie: No, ONE is miserable...
Mark: Miserable?
Jamie: No, wait. ONE is suicidal and TWO is miserable.
Mark: Jesus Christ, Jamie.
Jamie (on a roll now): THREE is despairing...
Mark: ...
Jamie: Then depressed...
Mark: ...
Jamie: And somewhere in there, you'd have to fit disheartened, dejected, downhearted...
Mark: ...
Jamie: ...dispirited, discouraged, despondent, disconsolate...
Mark: Anything else?
Jamie: Discontent.
(they stop)
Mark: We've walked three blocks past our stop.
Jamie (points south): No, I'm going that way.
(An awkward moment)
Mark: So, you're...?
Jamie: Yeah, I'm fine.
Mark (momentarily nostalgic): Remember we had that thing with "How are you?" We knew that no one ever wants an honest answer to that question but if we asked it a second time, you had to tell the truth?
Jamie (smiles wistfully): Yeah. (taps Mark lightly on the shoulder with his newspaper) Take care.
(They continue on their separate ways)
=============
END
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